“Crass, systematical intimate partner violence was constructed in front of our eyes: from punishment by silence through a destruction of a woman’s personality and self-esteem to verbal abuse and threats”, wrote media researcher and opinion journalist Vera Mérő in a Facebook post on the 10^th season of the reality show Való Világ (“The Real World”, VV10), which has been showing on TV Channel RTL II since November.

Her post concentrates on two couples: Renátó and Fru, and Dani and Virág. Both couples got together during the show. Regarding the first couple, Mérő mentions that Renátó has used Fru as a sex object, pressured her to intercourse, humiliated her threateningly and also suggested the possibility of physical violence.

Comments under the post agreed and added that Győző Gáspár, the presenter of the background show, also frequently humiliates the female participants of the show. He also received similar critiques five years ago, in the show’s 8^th season, when he asked participants questions like “Which one would you ruin if you went in there now?” or “How would you humiliate Dina?” The Marketing Communications Department of RTL Hungary were also shocked at such statements and decided that Gáspár would have to get training on these issues.

I do not follow the new season, but I took a glimpse at the videos uploaded onto the RTL website. It was quite easy to find content Mérő has objected against. For instance, at the end of part 56, there was a short selection of scenes about Renátó and Fru’s relationship; the commentary said these tried to give an ironic view of a loving, gentle, intimate relationship, but the scenes depict Renátó verbally abusing Fru and spitting into her mouth, to which then she spits back. They have also included the scene when Fru emphasizes several times that she does not want to go to bed with Renátó in the show, but in the next scene they are having sex; this is what Mérő called intercourse under pressure. In a later video, Renátó gets angry at the other participants and lets it out on Fru, complaining that she does not want to have sex with him every night, claiming she is tired. “I’m not gonna fucking touch you ever again. It’s 1000%”, he says, after which she talks to the camera: “It doesn’t feel right to fall out with Renátó. It’s a bit of a psychoterror, I’m afraid of him when we fall out. he can say stuff that hurts a lot and then I fall asleep all nervous.”

In her Facebook post Mérő mentions that another relationship in the show (Dani and Virág) also includes elements of abuse, oppression of women and a destruction of personality. Also, some weeks ago a participant, Vivien, told her companions that she had been raped, but the others doubted her. This was a grave case of victim blaming, to which RTL Klub reacted by inviting Vera Mérő to a morning program to talk about this issue.

After reading this post, I asked RTL Hungary whether they plan to go deeper into this topic, invite an expert to explain viewers what they are seeing or send Gáspár to another training.  This is what they answered:

“As a market-leading TV station we consider it our mission to not only entertain but raise topics that should be dealt with on a societal level. In VV10 powered by Big Brother the relations between participants shed light on problems present in society, but in their offscreen lives they do not want to face them, do not dare to take action against them or are not even aware that what they are living in is harmful for them. These are often taboo topics that people don’t like to talk about, but VV10 makes them visible and impossible to cover up.” 

They assured us that VV10 participants have access to a psychologist who looks after their mental health. They also mentioned that on another program, Vera Mérő will talk to presenter Péter Puskás about these events. When things “got tough” in the show, Puskás in fact commented that this was no way to talk to anybody and he hoped that other men felt as uncomfortable with this as himself. I have also approached Puskás, who said:

“In the past days, weeks and months, important social issues have been discussed on the internet in relation to VV10. Therefore, I find it important to add responsible commentary to what we see on the show, because this way we can influence public opinion. As a public personality, I have always found it important to stand up for important issues like animal rights, education or against cyberbullying – not just to follow a trend, like many others, but because of my own conscience and worldview. I am glad that the creators of ValóVilág10 powered by Big Brother always give me space to express my own opinion or even critique, and I get a lot of positive feedback from viewers. This happened also when there were instances of verbal aggression on the show. However, there are situations where it is not enough to voice opinions, but we must take solutions to the next level and make it clear to the audience that what they see is unacceptable. We must also see that these are topics we face in our everyday lives: this show is a mirror to society.”

24.hu

2021. 01. 13. 11:09

In 2020, 65% more domestic violence crimes were registered in Hungary than in 2019: 650 cases, as opposed to 392 a year before. The number of registered sexual abuse cases has also grown by 36%, from 240 in 2019 to 327 in 2020. 56 cases of sexual coercion were registered in 2019, 95 in 2020; this is a 70% increase.  The number of homicides has also soared: in 2019 141, in 2020 203 murders happened in the country. Unfortunately, the data does not show how many of these were committed by a family member or a (former) previous partner of the victim. 44

This data has been collected by independent Member of Parliament Bernadett Szél from the website of the Ministry of Interior because she could not obtain them from the police. She filed a data request on November 27^th, but the police responded that it would take them 90 days to compile the data because it interferes with the performance of their public duties. They did have the time, however, to create a map which shows the positive effects on crime of the restrictions introduced in November: there have been fewer cases of vandalism, disorderly conduct, car theft, robberies and crimes committed in public spaces. Apparently, Szél suggests, the police did not find it important to show the effects of the lockdown on what happens in the homes: no data on domestic violence, sexual abuse and homicide are indicated on the map.

The MP claims that the police should not only brag with the data showing improvement but also make available the data on domestic violence, which show negative tendencies. “And the government, instead of rejecting the Istanbul Convention at the time of the pandemic, should take efficient measures to help people abused in their homes,” she adds in her press release.

 (translated by Rita Béres-Deák)

What can political decision makers do to eliminate violence against women? How did the government conclude the Year of Victim Assistance? During Mérce’s roundtable discussion on Wednesday organized within the 16 Days of Activism Kata Ámon, Fanni Dés and Barbara Tonté provided possible solutions related to the topic. Among other matters, they discussed the political climate which frames this problem, the question of prevention and discrimination against disadvantaged women. The event was moderated by our colleague, Orsolya Pósfai.

While the coronavirus pandemic dominated the media, many may have forgotten that in a Facebook video in January, Minister of Justice Judit Varga announced zero tolerance against violence against women and declared 2020 the Year of Victim Assistance. Although Varga’s announcements about this topic then and the government’s statements since have not emphasized it much, it is still an obvious fact that when it comes to domestic abuse, the victims are mostly women, and the perpetrators are men. According to the invited experts, the government purposefully disregards this detail, consequently worsening the situation of the victims.

According to NANE associate Fanni Dés, in order to be able to provide help tailored to their needs, it is important to emphasize that domestic violence affects women in a disproportional measure. The current system, however, only construes women in the context of family or motherhood, which has a negative impact on victim assistance. As associate of the municipality government of the 15^th District Kata Ámon states, framing is important because without it, society cannot recognize an act of violence. Even if the sufferer understands that they are victims of domestic abuse, outside observers interpret the offense simply as a conflict between two equals.

She believes that people cannot recognize all types of domestic and intimate partner violence if the fact that it happens mostly to women is disregarded. By detaching the words ‘family’ and ‘woman’ from victim assistance, the government fails to help them effectively.

Education expert Barbara Tonté raises awareness of the unique situation of Roma women. Due to harmful representation in the media, women of the minority are viewed as members of a distinct race, this way they lose the empathy of society. The dehumanization of Roma women by the media is a peculiar case of gender-based discrimination, which needs to be dealt with separately.

During the conversation, the role of municipality governments in eliminating violence against women arose. Mayor of Ferencváros Krisztina Baranyi announced in January that she aims to help the victims of intimate partner violence by turning municipality housing into safe houses, an initiative which later the mayor of Budapest Gergely Karácsony joined, and there were numerous other actions that municipality governments started this year.

Kata Ámon revealed that in line with 16 Days of Activism, the municipality government in Rákospalota raised awareness to violence against women and the way abused women can get help with flyers and posters. Depriving municipality governments of resources raises a serious issue here, too, since the institutions which would be able to offer help cannot do so without financial support. Lack of communication also causes a problem, since the absence of an effective connection between child protection services, the police and social services oftentimes favours the perpetrators.

According to Fanni Dés, turning municipality housing into safe houses is a step in the right direction; however, few women can get to institutions in the current support scheme, and those who do often find it impossible to get back on their own feet later.

Victims usually end up in institutions with zero financial background, where they need to start a new life somewhere across the country. That is why many do not seek protection at safe houses, and due to the total lack of financial resources, they rather return to their perpetrators.

Within municipality governments there should be branches which specifically deal with the needs of abused women and can tackle their problems competently. Safe houses rarely react to complex needs, for example, problems with substance abuse, an issue that many victims who have suffered traumas deal with.

Barbara Tonté revealed that the majority of Roma women live in small towns and villages, where the role of municipality governments is much bigger. Here, women often only have the chance to work as public employees, which practically means that even if they speak up about the abuse, they have to report to their bosses that they are victims of domestic violence.

The so-called institutional betrayal is a phenomenon which is one of the systemic problems. When a victim turns to the authorities following an abuse, instead of help, they are frequently left with victim-blaming and accusations. According to Kata Ámon, this attitude is characteristic of the whole government.

“Government measures follow an abusive logic. How they speak about women and their political opponents, how they defame everyone, how they refuse to be frightened by anything, and how they are determined to obtain power at all costs.”

Perpetrators do the same, they want to exercise power no matter what. The harmful discourse in the political sphere sends a bad message, through which dehumanizing communication becomes standard. The government could help abused women, but instead they are putting on a show by speaking about victims through Facebook videos. Real help demands resources and central organizing power. Fanni Dés believes that the problem of violence against women is not part of the social discourse.

This way people can only see the reality of individuals instead of the systemic social inequality.

According to the invited experts, sexual education and the revision of gender roles in the educational system could help to prevent domestic violence. In the current school system, instead of educating, the national curriculum instructs about family life, while the system conserves gender roles and patterns brought from home. Dés emphasizes that for young people, porn is the primary source of sexual education, which remarkably merges with violence against women. There is no platform for young people to discuss relationship problems or sexual issues. According to Kata Ámon, the hierarchy of the educational system also has a negative effect on discourse. Questions remain unanswered behind the protective, romantic ideal of a family. The municipality governments cannot step up against the system of KLIK (Klebelsberg Institution Maintenance Centre) in the given school districts.

“I’ve always felt that although I know how to solve a quadratic equation, we have never dealt with basic physicality.”

This is how Barbara Tonté illustrates the deficiency of the educational system. According to her, sexual education should be part of the basic curriculum, but this requires training the teachers first, to ensure they have appropriate professional background.

One of the most shattering topics of the discussion was the phenomenon of obstetric violence. Women bearing children encounter discrimination and often violence in health care. Barbara Tonté elaborates that Roma women have to endure shocking discrimination in hospitals, and the infrastructure prevents underprivileged families living in the countryside from getting appropriate medical attention. Tonté mentions many contentious proceedings initiated due to financially detrimental discrimination of women and their families when giving birth, violating their dignity or in extreme cases, their physical integrity. A case which has received the biggest public attention is that of a Roma woman’s, who underwent forced sterilization in 2001; however, verbal abuse is systemic and common in health care.

Women face obstetric violence in their most vulnerable state, and the victims regardless of their social background report verbal abuse or unnecessary medical procedures, which sometimes endanger their health. If the government’s goal truly is to raise the number of children, it should introduce welfare measures which favour everyone.

Plenty of articles which wanted to raise attention to the severity and the different types of violence against women appeared on Mérce during the 16 Days of Activism. The invited guests did not only talk about extreme cases, but also discussed systemic issues. As we approach the end of the Year of Victim Assistance, we have to realize that instead of actually helping the women in trouble, the government, for the sake of its own political strifes, rather introduces more and more measures which aggravate the life of victims.

 (Translated by Gabriella Furik)

There has never been a judgment in Hungary where the court had to put a price tag on a woman’s genitals. The victim of the case, known as the lye attack, initiated a legal action for damages against her assailant, a former hospital director, in 2017, but the civil law procedure was set aside until the final decision in the criminal case had been reached. The hearings were held almost completely behind closed doors but the announcement of the first instance judgment took place publicly.

Following an almost four-year legal dispute, the Budapest Metropolitan Court pronounced its judgment on the 25th of November in the compensation case of the victim of the lye doctor.

“Krisztián Bene shall be obligated to pay 25 million Forints punitive damages to Erika Renner for infringement of her rights to health and physical integrity”,

- stated judge Enikő Bakos.

She justified her decision with the expert opinion, according to which claimant Erika Renner has suffered second and third degree burns, she could not look after herself; providing for the most basic physical needs has caused difficulty and pain for her and the treatment of her injuries is accompanied by pain to the present day. The Court found the expert opinion to be substantiated, which on the other hand Krisztián Bene, the defendant, considered “unsuitable” because in his opinion, preparing an expert opinion without the personal examination of the claimant is not practicable. The defendant argued that the photographs of the victim’s injuries taken in 2013 and 2015 are not suitable to assess her present condition, therefore requested a supplementary expert opinion. The Court, on contrary, has found that sufficient evidence was available; therefore it has not ordered further evidentiary proceedings.

“In its decision the Court has taken into account that the claimant is still forced to face the consequences of the attack on a daily basis and that her sense of security has vanished, and she is now incapable of having any more children”,

- the judge listed.

The Court also considered it to be a substantial detriment that Erika Renner’s femininity and sexual life have gravely suffered. Thus the Court has not found it exaggerated to prescribe the non pecuniary damages of HUF 25 million – equivalent to the Erika Renner’s claim – to the assailant.

Following the announcement Erika Renner told Telex that she was relieved and even though she knew that she would have been entitled to a much higher sum, these were the possibilities the Hungarian civil legal system had to offer,

“That’s how much my body is worth in Hungary”,

- she said. However, in her opinion, this judgment also has an important social message. “It’s not worth abusing others because it may not only have criminal law consequences but also some serious financial effects as well”, she stated.

Erika Renner was attacked in her home in 2013 by her ex-boyfriend, who was the director of a hospital in Buda (Budai Irgalmasrendi Kórház) at the time; he poured caustic alkali on her genitalia and the genital area. Five years after the attack, the Court sentenced Bene to 11 years’ imprisonment in 2018. The criminal procedure was still in process when, in 2017 Erika Renner filed an action for damages against her attacker, but the civil law procedure was set aside until the final decision in the criminal case was reached, so in effect the trial only began in December 2018. The fact that received a lot of attention was when the judge of the compensation case requested the victim to submit herself once more, seven years after the attack, to gynecological and psychological examinations even though multiple such examinations had been carried out in the course of the criminal procedure.

Institutional abuse, painful sex

This June Erika Renner attended a four and a half-hour interview conducted by three female experts at the University of Pécs. A 50 page joint expert opinion was prepared which contained serious allegations but expressed very clear statements.

The experts unequivocally established that neither the multiple surgical procedures nor any further treatment could restore the original conditions of her genitals.

“The functions of the genital organs have been impaired, a fulfilling sexual life is not possible in such situation.”

According to this document, following the attack a natural pregnancy could be precluded in her case, “only by way of follicular aspiration with laparoscope and embryo transfer could she have been impregnated” and she could only have given birth by caesarean section. But this “meant no realistic option for Erika Renner and its success would have been doubtful too”, - stated the gynecologist.

According to the surgeon specialist, she would have to conduct a personal examination on Erika Renner to determine whether another plastic surgery may be performed. The surgeon added that even if there were to be further operations,

“their success cannot be guaranteed, and her sex life is likely to remain limited and painful”.

The expert opinion also explained that Erika Renner had suffered traumas over and over in these last years. Namely, she had become a victim of institutional abuse as a result of the prosecutors’ office intending to terminate the investigation at first, then because during the prolonged procedure, she had to talk about her urination and menstrual problems, the state of her genitals and the changes in her sexual life in front of courts largely composed of men. This presumably contributed to her being diagnosed with “post traumatic stress disorder with severe symptoms” even seven years after the attack. And this means she has not yet processed the trauma, merely learned to live with the symptoms.

(Translated by Dóra Horváth)

Hungarian journalist Nóra Miavecz has worked as a volunteer in London and South Africa for various civil society organizations specialized in helping prostitutes and victims of sex trafficking. Borbála Juhász from the Hungarian Women’s Lobby interviewed her about the interconnections of prostitution, porn and violence, their effects on children and the situation of Hungarian prostitutes in the UK for merce.hu.

BJ: How did you end up in South Africa?

NM: Earlier in Hungary I had already written about topics related to prostitution, porn and gender-based violence. A few years ago, when in London, I saw a BBC documentary about British footballers’ wives who, having accompanied their husbands to the soccer World Cup, do volunteer work in South Africa. One of the civil society organizations introduced in the film was working in the infamous Hilbrow district of Johannesburg, where prostitution is very strongly present. They impressed me so much that I wrote to them immediately, and a few months later I was already volunteering for them. Later I transferred to another organization in Cape Town, which is lobbying for the introduction of the so-called “Scandinavian model”: this approach considers prostitution as a form of gender-based violence and a barrier to gender equality, so it penalizes the users of these services, while helping women who want to get out of prostitution and using school sex education as a preventive measure.

It was around this time that American psychologist Melissa Farley published her study on men who buy sex, which was a completely new research area at the time. It inspired me so much that I started interviewing male clients of prostitutes in Cape Town and its surroundings along the same lines. I would not call it a classic research, but I did learn a lot from it.

BJ: What did you learn?

NM: Most of these men were living in some kind of a relationship. Only one of them was aware that prostitution is completely illegal in South Africa, so clients and prostitutes are both punished. I must add that up to 2018, altogether only 11 men were arrested on such charges, compared to thousands of women prostitutes.

All my interviewees referred to their biological needs as the reason for “using” prostitutes – as if they were talking about lack of oxygen. Most of them did not care – even if they knew – whether the person they had paid for sex was a minor or was forced to do it. They only cared about getting their money’s worth and talked about this as some kind of fundamental right. This resonates with what Farley and other studies have found.

The growth of the porn industry definitely plays a part in men taking advantage of prostitution at an increasingly younger age and considering it increasingly normal. Pornhub writes on their website that they have an average of 115 million visitors per day – this equals the population of Canada, Australia, Poland and Holland combined. As internet access has become almost universal and children use smart devices and social media at a younger age, they meet pornographic content well before coming of age: when I started researching this topic, the average age of first seeing porn was 13, by 2016 it had lowered to 11, and now it is 10 or younger.

In the past 10 years problematic sexual behavior (including, but not limited to, sexual abuse) by children against children has been growing to a worrying degree. The RedCap database of Children’s Mercy Hospital (Kansas, USA) says that in 2017, in almost half (43.9%) of all the sexual abuse cases (444) the perpetrator was a minor, most of them boys of 11-15 years of age. In 2018 there were 408 sexual abuse cases and 86% of the victims were female, almost half of them babies or small children, a quarter of them teenagers. Data from the Australian Statistical Bureau shows that the number of sex crimes committed by schoolchildren has almost quadrupled in four years. Other Australian studies have found that the majority of children with problematic sexual behavior consume porn regularly. Global data show that such behavior usually takes place in the kindergarten, at school, at the playground or between siblings – this also suggests that the children are not aware that what they are doing is not OK. These boys are not really “perpetrators”; they just imitate what they see on the screen. If they do not get help, they become addicted and follow these models during their teens and adulthood – except they become more violent because nothing else stimulates them anymore.

Porn usually contains much violence – a research analyzed 304 porn scenes, and 88% of them contained some form of physical violence. A study comparing men who use and do not use prostitution revealed that much more of the former learnt sex from porn, and they liked to imitate what they had seen with their partner or prostitutes. The women I helped at British organizations often told me that their clients usually wanted them to “replay” violent scenes from porn movies.

Other research has also revealed that men who “use” prostitution are more likely to be sexually aggressive and to have committed rape (on their partner and/or prostitutes) and admit that they would commit it again if they knew they could get away with it.

So porn culture may produce abusive men, and this is one reason why porn and prostitution cannot be separated from intimate partner violence and sexual violence.

BJ: Let’s talk about the other side, the prostitutes themselves. What was your impression of them?

NM: Besides having little or no chance to get an education or a job, many of these women were victims of sexual abuse in their childhood, committed usually by men who were close to them. This sent them the message that love is conditional and is connected to abuse; therefore, they can only receive love and care if they make themselves available all the time, sexually and otherwise. Unless a sexually abused child gets help, this will be the model for them. Therefore, later they have a higher chance to get involved with their pimps or boyfriends – and the two are often the same.

They usually get involved in prostitution in their teens. By that time, they are so used to violence and so alienated from their bodies, that even without direct pressure they use it to obtain things they need, be it cigarettes, accommodation, money or food. In my experience, unfortunately even professionals working in education or child protection speak about these teenagers with disdain, though the real responsibility lies not with them but with the men who take advantage of them – they are the ones who have real choice.

The number of murders committed against prostitutes, usually by male clients, is shockingly high. It is telling that in Sweden, where clients are punished, in the 18 years between 1999, when the law was introduced, to 2017, there was not a single murder case against a prostitute, whereas in Italy, where prostitution is legal, there were 72 in 7 years.

BJ: What nationalities were the women you helped in London? Were there any Hungarians?

NM: I met women from many nationalities: some were street prostitutes, others worked in brothels, rented private flats or massage saloons, but there were escorts too.

And there were Hungarians too, and more and more over the years. However, with few exceptions, I was not able to help them efficiently on the long run, because in the UK the state social welfare system is aid-based. As an EU citizen, you are only entitled to an aid if you pass the so-called “habitual residence test”, which means you must prove that you habitually live and plan to stay in the country.

Hungarian prostitutes in London often have no pimps but rent a private apartment together with several others. However, it is illegal for two or more prostitutes to work at the same place, because that would qualify as a brothel, which is outlawed in the UK. Therefore, these Hungarian women have no trace in the system and are not entitled to aid or housing support.

Many arrive as so-called economic migrants but fall victim to sex trafficking. For instance, one of my clients applied for a cleaning job through a Hungarian agency, because she did not speak English. These jobs really existed; they paid less than the minimum wage, but a new arrival to the UK may not realize that, often she is happy to get a job without knowing the language at all. The agency also promised her accommodation, saying they would deduce the rent from her wages – this is part of the trick. For some, even their trip is paid by the agency, so they owe much more to them. Of course, my client could not pay the instalments from the minimum wage. Then, almost casually, they mentioned to her that they knew a brothel in case she wanted to earn some extra…

We must not forget that most of these women are single parents, whose children are looked after by grandma back in Hungary, while Mum tries to earn enough in London to send some home. They need the money badly for that, too, so eventually they agree to sell their bodies – seemingly their own choice, but do they really have options? This particular client was then kept under inhuman circumstances, most of her money was taken away, she was locked up and transferred from one place to another. This already qualifies as sex trafficking, but it is hard to prove, especially as victims are afraid to turn to the police.

Now after Brexit, these women may be identified as illegal immigrants and deported. As a result, in their home country, without any local help, they will find themselves in a similar or even worse situation than what they started from, and they are likely to be revictimized. The dividing lines between economic migrant and illegal immigrant, “voluntary” sex work and victims of sex trafficking are blurred.

However, it is a cause for optimism that British activists lobby for the introduction of the “Scandinavian model”. I think this would be a good first step.

A 52-year-old man was found having been peeping at altogether 17 guests while they were using the bathroom. He was not just peeping; he also made recordings about the guests and many pornographic pictures about children were found on his computer too. The District Attorney’s Office of Kaposvár pressed charges against the man for ‘prohibited data acquisition resulting in significant violation of interests and child pornography’.

The man had drilled a hole in the wall between the bathrooms and the service passages connecting the apartments, thus he was able to introduce lipstick cameras into the openings and he was able to peep at the guests while they were using the shower cabins and the toilets.

 Between April and July of 2019, the defendant made secret recordings about 17 guests while they were using the toilet, changing their sanitary pads, or taking a shower, but there were instances, when he recorded couples having sex. Eventually, he was detected by two guests who noticed that in the place for a washing machine holes are visible and inside the openings, cameras were hidden.

Police officers of Fonyód took the man’s data carriers into evidence and they found more than 400 pornographic pictures about persons under the age of 18.

The prosecution submitted a proposal for the District Court of Kaposvár about a 3 years and 6 months imprisonment if the defendant pleads guilty.

Translated by Dorottya Bojtor

Mijn naam is Ilona Sallai.

Ik heb een verstandelijke beperking.

In dit artikel

schrijf ik over

de vrouwen die een verstandelijke beperking hebben,

en over mijn eigen ervaringen.

Dit artikel wordt in eenvoudig Nederlands geschreven.

Ondersteunende Communicatie is een methode,

waarmee de informatie begrijpelijk kan worden gemaakt.

Gemakkelijk te begrijpen informatie

wordt ook begrepen door mensen die

ingewikkelde informatie

moeilijk begrijpen.

Ik wil dat zoveel mogelijk mensen

dit artikel lezen en begrijpen.

Ik heb een baan:

ik werk als belangenbehartiger bij ÉFOÉSZ.

ÉFOÉSZ

is de Hongaarse vereniging voor mensen

met een verstandelijke beperking.

Belangenbehartigers zijn mensen

met een lichte verstandelijke beperking,

die de belangen van zichzelf en van anderen

goed kunnen behartigen.

Ik heb een partner.

We houden van films kijken

en we wandelen graag.

Ik ben een zelfstandige volwassene,

maar ik heb ook problemen.

Als ik snel iets moet zeggen,

dan heb ik wat moeite met praten.

Vaak denk ik lang na over woorden.

Veel mensen begrijpen dit niet.

Ik heb mijn verstandelijke beperking geaccepteerd.

Mijn familie hielp enorm

om mijn verstandelijke beperking te kunnen accepteren.

Mijn familie behandelt mij als een partner.

Ze ondersteunen mij om

• zelfstandig te worden
• mijn eigen beslissingen te nemen
• en verantwoordelijkheid voor mijn beslissingen te nemen.

Veel van mijn genoten zijn niet zo gelukkig.

Veel mensen denken dat

mensen met een verstandelijke beperking

zelfstandig niet kunnen leven

en geen beslissingen kunnen nemen.

Veel mensen met een verstandelijke beperking

hebben verzorging nodig.

Dit betekent dat

ze over hun leven niet kunnen beslissen,

en de verzorgers beslissen voor hen.

Veel mensen mogen bijvoorbeeld

• niet beslissen waar ze willen wonen
• over hun werk niet beslissen
• niet trouwen
• geen kinderen krijgen
• niet stemmen.

Wij, vrouwen met een verstandelijke beperking

worden geconfronteerd met meervoudige discriminatie.

Aan de ene kant omdat

wij een verstandelijke beperking hebben,

aan de andere kant omdat wij vrouwen zijn.

Discriminatie betekent ongelijke behandeling.

Dit betekent dat

wij slecht worden behandeld omdat

wij anders zijn.

Normale werkplekken willen ons bijvoorbeeld

niet graag aannemen.

Degenen die een baan hebben

werken meestal in een

beschutte omgeving

voor weinig geld.

Geweld tegen vrouwen is een groot probleem

over de hele wereld.

Aanranding en seksueel misbruik komen vaker voor

tegen vrouwen met een beperking

dan tegen andere vrouwen.

De daders zijn vaak degenen

die ons zouden moeten helpen:

mensen die wij goed kennen.

Mensen met een verstandelijk beperking hebben

ook andere moeite in hun leven.

Ze worden vaak in hun hele leven

als kinderen behandeld.

Onze omgeving verbiedt vaak

relaties, seksualiteit

en het krijgen van kinderen.

Ze helpen ons niet

om gevaarlijke situaties te herkennen.

Daarom weten velen niet dat

ze geweld hebben ervaren

en dit niet in orde is.

Ze weten alleen dat

iets slechts is gebeurd met hen.

Ze weten het niet dat

ze recht hebben op hulp.

Ze weten niet eens waar ze terecht kunnen voor hulp.

Veel mensen met een verstandelijke beperking

wonen in een instelling.

Deze instellingen zijn in het algemeen buiten de steden,

buiten bereik.

Als iemand in een instelling wordt mishandeld,

wordt het ook niet uitgesproken.

Het wordt buiten de instelling niet uitgesproken,

en daardoor krijgen die mensen geen hulp.

Wegens de coronavirus mogen de instellingen

niet verlaten worden,

en bezocht worden.

Nu wordt het minder uitgesproken,

als iemand wordt mishandeld.

Naast lichamelijk en seksueel geweld

kunnen vrouwen slachtoffers worden

van allerlei vormen van geweld,

bijvoorbeeld van verbaal geweld.

Dit betekent dat

iemand met hen schreeuwt

of vernederend tegen hen spreekt.

Het is ook een vorm van geweld,

als ze medicijnen moeten innemen tegen hun wil.

Of als het niet wordt uitgelegd

waarom ze dat medicijn moeten innemen.

Anticonceptie is in veel instellingen verplicht.

Veel mensen krijgen dit medicijn

zonder het te weten.

Het is ook een vorm van geweld,

als iemand wordt geopereerd

zonder het te weten of ermee akkoord te gaan.

Het gebeurde met veel vrouwen met een verstandelijke beperking

dat ze zonder hun toestemming gesteriliseerd werden.

Sterilisatie betekent

dat een vrouw wordt geopereerd

zodat ze geen kinderen meer kunnen krijgen.

Het gebeurde met veel vrouwen

met een verstandelijke beperking

dat ze zwanger werden

en ze een abortus zonder hun toestemming ondergingen.

Abortus betekent

de zwangerschap te beëindigen.

Het gebeurde ook met veel vrouwen

met een verstandelijke beperking

dat hun kind was geboren

en werd meteen weggenomen.

De Hongaarse wetgeving helpt

de vrouwen met een verstandelijke beperking niet

om ondersteuning te krijgen voor deze beslissingen.

Het institutionele systeem kan

de vrouwen met een verstandelijke beperking niet ondersteunen

om een gezin te starten.

In plaats daarvan worden hun rechten ontnomen.

Ik denk

dat er een wetgeving nodig is

die gelijke rechten garandeert ook voor

vrouwen met een verstandelijke beperking.

En die de vrouwen met een verstandelijke beperking

beschermt tegen misbruik.

Onze rechten moeten niet ontnomen worden,

maar wij moeten ondersteund worden

om onze rechten te kunnen begrijpen

en te kunnen oefenen.

We hebben makkelijk te begrijpen informatie nodig,

die wij makkelijk kunnen begrijpen en die ons helpt om beslissing te kunnen nemen.

In plaats van instellingen hebben we diensten nodig

• waar zelfstandig leven wordt ondersteund
• en waar we zoveel hulp krijgen
  als we nodig hebben.
  Niet meer, niet minder.

Lieve vrouwen met een verstandelijke beperking,

Wees trots op jezelf,

want jullie zijn alleemaal bijzonder.

Vertaald door: Sára Vastag, proeflezen door: Dóra Miglécz

Where we started from

Talking about the media representation of gender-based violence, we can all bring up horrifying examples. And though we might claim that the situation has improved enormously in the past decades, some memorable cases from the recent past show that we often automatically exhibit the worst possible attitudes towards this problem. And the way we react to violence is strongly influenced by the image the media shows about it.

When a woman becomes victim of violence, the media reacts in some way – as long as there is something newsworthy about it. On the website of the Hungarian police, we can read about numerous cases of gender-based violence, but only some of them make it into the news – typically the extremely brutal ones, or those that have some other element (e.g., the victim, the perpetrator or both are celebrities) which make them suitable for tabloids. All the other women disappear in the racket of the media as faceless, nameless victims, even if their cases come to light (unlike most cases of abuse). On the march of the Silent Witnesses, organized every year as the opening event of the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, we also commemorate women victims about whom we have no information whatsoever, nor are there any publicly available statistics which would tell us how many such cases happen in Hungary.

Let us start with a historical overview of media reactions to violence against women from the past 15 years, cases that still influence our attitudes to gender-based violence.

“Not exactly a nun” – the rape of Zsanett

This case took place in 2007, at a very tense political moment; just a few months before, the police reacted with undue violence to anti-government protests. On May 4^th, 2007, Zsanett E. reported that at dawn five police officers stopped her to check her documents, then two of them raped her, while the other three looked on. Given general suspicion towards the police at the time, public opinion and the media was initially on Zsanett’s side, reinforcing the stereotype of the brutal policeman. However, a couple of months later media representation took a U-turn. First the media started doubting the expert opinions that supported Zsanett’s story, articles claimed that the marks on her genitals may also have resulted from a fierce consensual act. The famous lawyer of one of the police officers (who, incidentally, is still active in oppositional politics) said on a radio show that Zsanett’s lifestyle “was not exactly that of a nun”. He later said he meant this as a witty statement, but from that point, tabloid media presented Zsanett as a woman with loose morals, who just wanted to get into the limelight and would do anything for that. At the same time, the policemen involved were presented as impeccable; the tabloid Blikk published a series of articles, emphasizing that three of them were engaged and planned to organize a joint wedding; the fiancées denied the charges, suggesting that a man whose sex life was “all right” would never rape a woman. These statements were published without any reflection. The abovementioned lawyer also claimed that in many cases, suspected rape turns out to have been consensual.

The Zsanett-case was a serious setback in discourses related to gender-based violence. It reinforced the image of the lecherous, immoral woman, whose revealing clothes force men – even impeccable police officers – to rape her. Victims were discredited, which deterred them from turning to the police. As journalist Szilvia Varga wrote: “After Zsanett E.’s case was closed, no Hungarian woman in her right mind would report a rape to the police.”

“Where did this new love go wrong?” – the Athina Papadimitriu interview

In 2010, journalist Péter Hajdú made an interview with actress and singer Athina Papadimitriu for the tabloid TV program Frizbi, exhibiting all the typical elements of victim-blaming. As Andrea Kocsis wrote in her study of the case: this is a prime example of how little Hungarian journalists are prepared to talk to victims of gender-based violence. Unfortunately, even today, there is no discourse about the professional principles for conducting interviews with abused women, and about how journalists should prepare the victim for such an interview. Athina Papadimitriu claims to have agreed to the interview in order to raise awareness to gender-based violence. However, the journalist asked her questions like: “Where did this new love go wrong?”, “Why didn’t you leave him when he beat you up in the ninth month of pregnancy?” “Did you give him a reason?”. These retraumatized the victim, so what the viewers saw was a humiliated abused woman falling apart in front of their eyes and forced to defend her actions, in a conversation with an uncomprehending, victim-blaming male journalist, who was ready to find excuses for the perpetrator.

“A passionate person” – the rape case of Roland Damu

Another celebrity case the effects of which are still felt today: actor Roland Damu Roland was arrested on November 18^th, 2010 for suspected rape. His girlfriend, Tímea Palácsik, reported him to the police, saying he had thrown cigarette butts in her face, kicked her and hit her behind closed doors so she could not escape. Damu had been convicted for intimate partner violence against his previous girlfriend in 2001, and in 2007 for hitting a female colleague who jumped the taxi queue. In spite of this, the media consistently presented Damu as the broken star actor who has been persecuted for feeling ‘passionate love’ for his girlfriend, and they relativized violence by saying he had also been abused as a child. At the same time, Palácsik was doubted, said to have dated Damu because of his fame, and even suspected of trying to revenge him because he had earlier reported her for forgery. The articles showed smiling faces of Palácsik from the time of their relationship (suggesting she cannot have been abused) and tortured faces of Damu (suggesting he has been innocently accused and broken). Péter Hajdú blamed the victim as usual, asking in his interview with her questions like “Why didn’t you leave him when he first hit you?”

Palácsik later married film producer Andy Vajna, but she has never washed herself clean of the suspicion of being a gold-digger. To this day, any tabloid news about her get comments about her being manipulative and a liar or suggesting she would have deserved an even harsher beating.  Nobody remembers that she used the media coverage of her case to call attention to the situation of abused women.

Rape is so funny, isn’t it?

On August 30^th, 2014 a young woman was raped in the freshmen’s camp of ELTE Budapest University. The next morning a funny radio program, Morning Show on the radio station Class FM, spoke about the topic, making jokes of it, trivializing violence and blaming the victim. They spoke of rape as a “harmful event” and suggested that licentious sexual behavior is quite common at freshmen’s camps: “The evening program is dinner, campfire, dancing, rape”.

The program caused public outrage and received huge media attention. The show’s presenters claimed that they had not made fun of rape, they had been misunderstood. The National Media and Infocommunications Authority, in response to citizen complaints, started a procedure against the media provider for breaching provisions on the protections of minors and the respect for human dignity. They concluded that the show had offended human dignity by presenting violence in a humorous way, fined the media provider 500,000 Forints and made them publish a statement on having breached the law. This case calls attention to the importance of conscious media consumption and to speaking up in case we hear or see something offensive; though arguably a few hundred thousand Forints’ fine may not be enough sanction, at least the case was investigated thoroughly. But in case we think things are improving, let me cite some recent cases.

When Fanni Novozánszki, a former participant in a popular reality show, disappeared and later was found dead, tabloids were full of her “dubious” previous life. Star psychiatrist Imre Csernus made victim-blaming comments in an interview, and when the (female) journalist pointed out how problematic these were, he put her on the defensive too. Female celebrity Soma Mamagésa slapped one of her (also female) competitors in the face in a cooking program, later dubbing this as a “motherly act.” In another cooking show, star chef Jenő Rácz “teased” his girlfriend in a way that would qualify as verbal abuse – and won the show, nevertheless. All these stories caused no more than five minutes’ public outrage, if at all.

What it is like when gender-based violence is taken seriously

There are exceptions, though. Recently in a reality show on RTL Klub the female participants were supposed to perform a strip dance to the men (let’s not talk about the image of women such elements convey). One participant stopped dancing and told the other women that this was traumatizing for her as she had been abused. The other women first discussed among themselves how they did not believe the story, then confronted the victim herself with this, which made her break down. The TV channel, before putting this episode on air, called attention to gender-based violence, and afterwards the presenter emphasized that victim-blaming is unacceptable, and victims of abuse should not be hesitant to ask for help (simultaneously showing the number of NANE hotline for battered women). However, this is more a positive exception than the rule.

So, we might calm ourselves that we are gradually advancing toward a media space where violence against women gets responsible and empathetic reactions, but the truth is, our stimulation threshold is being raised continuously, so now we only notice such cases if they are arguably a breach of ethics. We might see fewer such cases than before, e.g., because the problematic statements are cut out from the program (like when Péter Kabát former footballer bragged about gang raping a woman with his teammates) but eventually they make their way into public discourse, because they create outrage, which means they sell well. And as long as this approach exists (and let’s not be naïve, it will for a while) it is hard to fight against coded sexism and consolidated stereotypes.

One example is the problematic term “crime of passion”, which recently appeared in a news item by the MTI news agency, and then most of the mainstream media reproduced it uncritically – even papers which at other times publish responsible and conscious articles on gender-based violence. Also, in spite of several international recommendations, Hungarian newspapers continue to illustrate gender-based violence with frightening images of women with black-eyes, crying in the corner or being strangled, which further traumatizes victims.

It is only as an aside that we mention how male Members of Parliament refuse to ratify the Istanbul Convention, but make sexist remarks at their female peers, and if a woman politician speaks up against the government, her microphone is simply muted (this has happened several times). It is no more than a few minutes’ news value that hirado.hu claims: Biden has included so many women in his government because they like talking.

Toxic masculinity is still cool. The sexist behaviors we have mentioned in this article were exhibited by star lawyers, star actors, star psychiatrists, star journalists, star chefs. Men who have power and thus can institutionalize various forms of gender-based violence without causing general public outrage. Plus, the media compete for the attention of the audience, which results in publishing content with as little energy invested as possible – and this is not too reassuring either.

In conclusion, all we can do is remember these deterrents, call attention to present anomalies, and repeat as many times as necessary: gender-based violence is unacceptable, the protection of victims should be a priority, and no excuses should be found for perpetrators. And the media does have a responsibility to help break down prejudices that are coded in society.

The police, the court system, health care and even the education system may betray those abused women who, when seeking help, turn to institutions that were meant to offer protection - this was the main subject of the discussion on Monday night, broadcasted on Facebook , organized by Patent Association (Society Against Patriarchy) and NANE Women’s Rights Association as part of the campaign called 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence.

As an attorney at Patent - established in 2006 - Júlia Spronz has been helping abused women for 15 years, and through the stories of her clients, she constantly witnesses institutional betrayal: the way the organizations and institutions that the abused turn to for protection, let them down.

“They get traumatized for a second time as well; except it is not the perpetrator but a whole government system that continues the abuse against the abused” - stated the lawyer, adding: in these cases, the system that the victim trusts and expects justice from, instead of standing by her side, becomes an accomplice to the perpetrator.

„People who say domestic violence is the conflict of two people just don’t see the essence of it. ”

According to Júlia Spronz, who helps in a thousand cases annually, the system plays right into the intellectual abusers’ hands.

This kind of betrayal is especially hurtful, because a lot of women try to bolster their courage for a long time just to seek help from authorities. That’s when they realize that they have ended up in a situation worse than the one they were in before asking for help - this is how Júlia Spronz summed up what abused women can expect in all likelihood, if they wish to get institutional help.

They seem to care about neither the victim, nor the case

As to what extent it is not the victim the institutional system helps, the example of Erika Renner is the best illustration; she is just joining the conversation. She said what she expected of the justice system was not taking her side in the first place, but understanding her case. “They leave me alone and I don’t feel they care about my case either”, - Renner said, who had been fighting nearly eight years in the lawsuit against her physician attacker for pouring alkali on her body.

In her case the identity of the offender was evident, he was arrested within the first 24 hours, the evidence was there and so were the witnesses, still the prosecutor’s office terminated the investigation against him and also failed to order the commencement of an investigation against an unknown perpetrator.

As is known, she was attacked in her home in 2013 by her ex-boyfriend, who was the director of a hospital in Buda (Budai Irgalmasrendi Kórház) at the time. Krisztián Bene drugged his victim, then poured caustic alkali on her genitalia and the genital area. Five years after the attack, the court sentenced Bene to 11 years imprisonment in 2018, but the legal procedure had still not come to an end. In 2017 Erika Renner filed an action for damages against her attacker, but the civil law procedure was set aside until the final decision in the criminal case was reached, so in effect the trial only began in December 2018.

Only this summer has it become final that Bene would serve his 11-year prison sentence (seven and a half if he maintained good behavior). Just recently the Budapest Metropolitan Court pronounced its judgment according to which the attacker is obligated to pay 25 million Forints as punitive damages to Erika Renner.

According to Renner, her case was prolonged so much because she could not specifically identify who attacked her, since the assailant wore a mask and numbed her with drugs. Although she could not prove it, she knew for sure that it was her former boyfriend who had assaulted her.

“They expected me to prove the abuse, the violence”, - said Renner, who felt throughout the whole procedure, that she had been left alone, she had been doubted, and she had not been taken seriously.

There was no abuse as there is no black-eye

“Victims often face this attitude, since many of them don’t arrive in court all black-and-blue or bloody, they might not even have any visible physical injuries. They don’t cry, they don’t look bad, but it doesn’t mean they are not traumatized”, - Júlia Spronz pointed out; she also emphasized that abused women are commonly believed to have been assaulted only if they have a black-eye, they cry, look bad and sad. It is still not public knowledge that even an abused woman can post a smiling photo on Facebook, she can walk hand in hand with her abuser, and still be abused.

 “The reason that I don’t constantly weep is because I’ve been seeing a psychologist for eight years, I’ve been having operations, but it doesn’t mean that that certain thing has never happened”, - said Erika Renner, who also pointed out in one of the last medical examinations: she has learned to live with all that had happened but has not been able to mentally process it. Her situation was especially hard, since the horrible injury caused by the caustic alkali spilled on her genitalia was only visible under her clothes, and there were occasions when it was even remarked in court how well she looked and that she was in a relationship too.

Erika Renner also experienced institutional betrayal in the health care system, when right after the attack she had been given intensive care, but as soon as it turned out to be a criminal case, doctors became reluctant to continue. This despite the fact that, in a subsequent criminal procedure, it would be indispensable to have accurately documented all the injuries of an abused woman on the first occasion of medical care. There is no protocol in hospitals on how to tend to the case of an abused woman, except for treating her injuries. It may be evident that a crime had been committed, but to no avail; doctors fail to report these cases because they don’t want to get involved and go to court hearings, - summed up both Erika Renner and Júlia Spronz.

Another issue also came up in the discussion broadcasted on Facebook. Institutional betrayal is not only present in the police, the prosecutor’s office, courts and healthcare, it also occurs when the child of an abused woman is involved. Just like most police officers, judges or healthcare workers are not prepared for such issues, in the majority of the cases teachers are also unable to recognize and/or handle the different types of abuse which are not only suffered by mothers but their children too.

Most teachers do not even have the basic knowledge about whether the non-custodial parent may have access to the e-grade book. If the father is an abuser, many teachers are prone to say that the parents are just quarreling, they are having communication issues and that neither of them are really looking after the child, though all the while the abused mother is trying to fight for her child.

Erika Renner noted that although the operation of the institutional system is generally not helping the victims, she has discovered slight positive changes in the last eight years. For example, during the retrial of the appellate court, when she was confronted with her assailant, it was considerately arranged that the man would not sit behind her, but rather to her side, this way she could hear but not see him. This arrangement of the courtroom helped Erika very much, as did the fact that she did not have to answer her attacker, only the judge.

The ninety-minute discussion can be seen here.

 Translated by Dóra Horváth