Il tweet #MeToo di Alyssa Milano ha fatto scalpore tutto il mondo nel 2017. Al suo post quasi immediatamente ne sono seguiti migliaia con l’hashtag #MeToo e nei prossimi giorni il loro numero si è moltiplicato rapidamente. Ma lo sanno in pochi che il movimento #MeToo è stato lanciato da Tarana Burke già 10 anni prima, nel 2006. L’intenzione è stata identica a quella di Milano, cioè esprimere che la violenza sessuale e molestia sono problemi epidemici e che le donne e le bambine vivono in una cultura di violenza sessuale nella quale le vittime vengono tacitate o almeno non gli credono. In questa cultura la violenza sessuale è normalizzata dai media, dalla letteratura e dalla pornografia. In tale cultura le vittime non hanno avuto finora le parole per raccontare la violenza subita poiché il patriarcato non ha istituito n discorso alternativo in cui le storie di queste donne avrebbero potuto apparire. Il movimento #MeToo ha richiamato l’attenzione del mondo sul fatto che la violenza sessuale e la molestia non sono problemi individuali che occorrono una o due volte, bensì un problema sociale, sistematico che penetra i nostri giorni quotidiani.

Da allora l’effetto del movimento è presente nella società e sta formando quella struttura patriarcale che non ha consentito le storie delle vittime dato che abbia apposto alle priorità la difesa degli esecutori. Evidentemente questo non vuol dire che il patriarcato si è crollato in un attimino ed è sostituito da un mondo edenico, ma che c’è ancora parecchio da battersi contro e bisogna ricordare alla gente che la violenza sessuale, la molestia e la colpevolizzazione della vittima esistono ancora.

Far tacere le vittime è stata ed è anche oggi una pratica comune anche nelle istituzioni religiose. Si nota esplicitamente la disuguaglianza fra la vittima e l’esecutore. Proprio per questo motivo ha potuto la chiesa cattolica insabbiare gli abusi sessuali per decenni. Ma il despotismo della chiesa cattolica sembra di stare a indebolirsi da quando i giornalisti del Boston Globe hanno rivelato gli abusi sistematici pedofili che erano stati insabbiati addirittura dai capi della chiesa.

Anche in Ungheria diventano più visibili gli abusi sessuali ecclesiastici negli ultimi anni. Però questo discorso pone l’accento sugli abusi effettuati nell’ambito della chiesa cattolica, siccome in Ungheria questa è la religione dominante, mentre quelli commessi in altre religioni istituzionalizzate o in comunità New Age non appartenenti alle religioni mondiali, ma basati su una struttura istituzionale, sono ancora velati. Questi abusi religiosi e spirituali vengono commessi principalmente dagli uomini potenti, come guru, sacerdote e maestro spirituale, di una nobile posizione in cima alla gerarchia.

Ovviamente è importante classificare gli abusi commessi nella chiesa cattolica, tuttavia è anche importante sottolineare che non esclusivamente i sacerdoti cattolici commettono gli abusi sessuali spirituali ed ecclesiastici. Dove appaiono il rispetto assoluto per l’autorità, il leader carismatico e il potere sacrale, la struttura stessa predispone l’abuso sessuale.

La 16akciónap (quindi 16 giorni di attivismo contro la violenza di genere) è un’iniziativa internazionale. La campagna annuale si collega a due importanti ricorrenze: il 25 novembre (giornata internazionale sulla violenza contro le donne) e il 10 dicembre (giornata internazionale per i diritti umani). Durante la campagna viene evidenziato in diversi modi (per esempio in articoli, con marce o discussioni attraverso tavole rotonde) il problema sistematico della violenza contro le donne. Nell’ambito della campagna 16 giorni di attivismo contro la violenza di genere adesso al giornalista di Felszabtér Hanna (pseudonimo) racconta la storia del suo abuso sessuale subita nella sua infanzia, commesso da un capo di una comunità spirituale.

Felszabtér: Prima di tutto, per favore raccontami come ti sei aderita a quella comunità spirituale dove l’abuso è accaduto.

Hanna: Questa è stata una comunità spirituale tradizionalista di cui capo era quello “meraviglioso” uomo che mi ha abusato sessualmente. Mio padre è stato un fedele costante ed è andato regolarmente a trovarli. Non me lo ricordo esattamente, ma quando avevo più o meno cinque anni, per tre estati siamo andati a questi eventi di due settimane alla fattoria di Tamás – il leader spirituale della comunità. Mia madre non è venuta con noi perché è rimasta a casa con i miei fratelli minori. Appena ci siamo arrivati, mio padre – ignobile ubriacone – non si è occupato tanto di me. In realtà, durante quelle due settimane mi sono girata ovunque volessi, priva di controllo genitori. Non me lo ricordo se ci fossero uomini tranne mio padre e Tamás. Tamás è stato circondato da parecchie donne, praticamente un fan club, lo ammiravano come se fosse un dio. Mio padre riguardava questa persona come un maestro; è stato spiegato anche la sua discendenza e l’antica linea di sangue che ha rappresentato.

Felszabtér: Te lo ricordi quando è iniziato l’abuso?

Hanna: In realtà non mi ricordo esattamente gli inizi. Tutto è stato un processo. Sicuramente l’ho incontrato già la prima estate, quando avevo cinque anni. Questi eventi sono stati organizzati da lui, nel bel mezzo del nulla, in un posto nascosto. Magari per la prima volta si è avvicinato a me nella sua yurta che era anche un santuario enorme. Aggiungo che ha cominciato a trattarmi come la prescelta, mi ha considerato come suo successore. Per questo motivo ho dovuto aiutarlo io all’altare e siccome tutto è stato un rito, mi sono dovuta indossare l’abbigliamento adeguato. Di solito ci siamo entrati noi due nella yurta dove lui ha cambiato i miei vestiti e ha messo le mani da posti dove non avrebbe dovuto. Insomma, mi ha palpeggiato durante la vestizione. Ripetutamente mi ha dato dei regali, sempre mi ha fatto sedere nel grembo e spesso ha colto anche queste occasioni per palpeggiare. In realtà questa palpeggiata è stata costantemente presente. E la cosa pazzesca è che nonostante l’abbia fatto apertamente, nessuno se n’è accorto, per lo meno non l’hanno rimproverato. Una volta mi ha costretto a prendere in mano il suo organo sessuale. Per mia fortuna, mia mamma ha chiamato mio padre proprio nel momento giusto chiedendo dove sono stata. Quando mio padre ha risposto che sono stata nel letto di Tamás, mia mamma gli ha detto di portarmi subito via di là e lui l’ha fatto. È stata anche un’altra occasione, magari la seconda estate, quando mi hanno lasciato da sola con lui in macchina e lui ha provato a baciarmi, ma io ho stretto le labbra il più forte possibile da una bambina di sei anni.

Felszabtér: Quindi tutto è stato un processo complesso accompagnato a diversi modi dell’abuso. Prima questo uomo, considerato un maestro, ti ha fatto il simpatico, ti ha trattato come selezionata e a poco a poco ha superato i limiti proprio sotto gli occhi di adulti?

Hanna: Sì, all’inizio è stato relativamente cauto. Ha valutato lentamente se il suo comportamento viene notato, se reagiscono a esso. Ma non c’è stato nessun tipo di reazione, e quindi continuava a farlo. Però l’ha fatto veramente aperto. Per esempio, se voleva fermarmi, semplicemente mi ha infilato la mano tra le gambe e mi ha toccato. Nessuno ha mai notato che questo, così non è andato affatto bene.

Felszabtér: Queste sono le vecchie maniere universali. L’esecutore controlla la reazione degli altri e valuta i suoi limiti. La più alta è la sua posizione di potere, quindi è considerato santo come quest’uomo, tanto più viene normalizzato il suo comportamento abuso dai circostanti. Anzi, spesso anche i circostanti lo sanno precisamente cosa sta succedendo, solamente chiudono un occhio sul fatto.

Hanna: Certo, penso che questo sia stato un segreto di Pulcinella. Era chiaro che le donne anziane competevano per il posto nel letto di quest’animo nobile. In seguito, è venuto fuori che quest’uomo se avesse potuto, avrebbe scopato tutto e tutte che gli girava attorno. E l’ha potuto fare.

Felszabtér: E hai dovuto affrontare tutto questo da bambina, da sola.

Hanna: Sì, e questa ansia pervasiva è stata presente quasi sempre. Spesso stavo pensando ai modi di evitare tutto questo. Con la mia testa infantile ho cercato di elaborare tattiche per non dover rimanere da sola con quella persona.

Felszabtér: Che tipi di tattiche, te le ricordi?

Hanna: Per esempio, sono stata molto determinata a dire di no, ma ho avuto relativamente poco successo. C’era un’opposizione costante in me, ho provato a esprimerla che lui mi lasciasse in pace. Cercavo di non farmi notare, di aderirmi a qualcuno e così organizzare un programma a causa di cui ho potuto dire di essere occupata. In realtà questo stress, che devo stare lontana da lui, sempre è stato presente appena siamo arrivati a questi campi estivi. Arrivando a casa dopo queste riunioni ho dimenticato tutto. Però, fondamentalmente sono stata ansiosa nella presenza degli uomini. Diciamo fino all’anno scorso. Quindi soffrivo di ansia per soli 30 anni.

Felszabtér: Come ti sei ricordato dell’abuso, quando è decollato in te il processo del riconoscimento?

Hanna: Quando ci siamo stati ai quelli eventi, io ho dovuto gradirli. Pertanto, questa è stata la mia realtà, ho dovuto essere fiera di poter stare lì, anzi, di stare accanto a quell’uomo meraviglioso. Mi vengono in mente scene dove c’è questo vecchio arrapato che è sempre circondato dal suo fan club e continuamente idoleggiato. Me lo ricordo di aver provato ad ammirare quella persona perché ho dovuto interiorizzare quella realtà che è stata manifestata dal mondo fuori.

E poi me ne sono accorta di tollerare difficilmente quando il mio ragazzo mi avvicinava a meno di due metri. Mi ha portato questo a riflettere cosa poteva essermi successo. Ma non pensavo di aver subito abuso. Mi ricordavo cosa facesse quella persona, ma pensavo che questi siano stati gli affari miei, e io abbia dovuto astrarre tutto da questi ricordi. Poi ho cominciato a occuparmi più di questo tema circa al concepimento di mia figlia. Per forza. Mia figlia non è concepita perché volevo figlio, ma perché il padre di mia figlia non voleva usare il preservativo. Per un po’ ho preso la pillola ma è stata troppo costosa e una famiglia in condizioni di povertà relativamente estrema non può permettersela. Quindi così non avevo il contraccettivo, ma invece ho avuto una bambina.

A quel tempo avevo la sensazione forte di essere violata, che si hanno appropriato del mio corpo quando io non lo volevo. Anche il parto era estremamente traumatico. Mi sono preparata ad un parto in casa, perciò non avevo un dottore prescelto. Eppure, la bambina è nata pretermine e io a diciotto anni, incinta, sono entrata nel sistema sanitario ungherese dove ho subito lo spettro intero della violenza ostetrica. Al secondo parto però, sono stata già agguerrita, conoscevo i miei diritti così potevo dire di no ai dottori. Dopo tre ore di dibattito con i dottori, mi hanno fatto firmare un documento secondo cui avevo rifiutato le cure mediche sotto la propria responsabilità. Sono rimasta lì da sola, per partorire in tutta la tranquillità e in fine io, con le mie stesse mani, ho preso il mio secondo bambino.

A quel punto, quando ho potuto dire di no e la vittoria è stata la mia, ho riavuto il controllo del mio corpo.

Traduzione: Zita Jarabin, revisione: Annamária Józsa-Tóth

Alissa Milano’s 2017 #MeToo tweet caused a huge uproar worldwide. Thousands answered Milano’s post with the hashtag Metoo almost instantly, and these numbers increased rapidly as the days passed. Few are aware that the #MeToo movement was originally started by Tarana Burke ten years earlier, in 2006.  Her intention was the same as Milano’s: she wanted to express that sexual abuse and harassment are a plague-like problem; that women and children exist within a culture of sexual violence where victims are constantly silenced or at the very least, nobody believes them. Where sexual violence is normalized in the media, literature and porn. Where victims had no words until now to recount their cases of abuse, because patriarchy did not provide an alternative discourse in which the stories of these women may be revealed.  The #MeToo movement drew the world’s attention to the fact that sexual violence and harassment are not individual problems, not something that occurs one or two times; it is a social problem, a systemic problem that infuses our daily lives.

image: Sam Deadrick | The State Pres

The effects of the movement are still present in our society; it shapes the patriarchal structure which - earlier – had not left any room for the stories of victims, because it had prioritized the protection of the perpetrators instead. This of course does not mean that patriarchy fell in a blink of an eye and that an ideal state has replaced it; it only means that there are still plenty of goals to fight for and people must be continuously reminded that sexual abuse, harassment and victim blaming still exist.

Silencing the victims has been and still is today a common practice in religious institutions. Power imbalances between the victims and the perpetrators are apparent here too. This is exactly why the Catholic Church was able to cover up sexual abuse cases for decades. But the sovereignty of the Catholic Church seems to waver ever since the reporters of Boston Globe exposed the systemic pedophile abuse that the church leaders themselves had glossed over.

For the past years church sexual abuse cases have received increasingly bigger publicity in Hungary too. However, in this discourse the emphasis primarily falls on sexual abuse committed within the Roman Catholic Church, as it is the dominant church in Hungary, while sexual abuse committed in the rest of the institutionalized religions, or in New Age communities that do not classify themselves as part of any world religion but are organized within institutionalized frameworks, vanish into thin air. These religious and spiritual sexual abuse acts are mostly committed by male gurus, priests and spiritual masters in powerful positions, most commonly the ones that are at the top of the hierarchy.

It is undoubtedly important to expose the sexual abuse cases committed in the Catholic Church, but at the same time it is also vital to draw attention to the fact that these spiritual and church sexual abuse cases are not solely committed by Catholic priests. Wherever a religious or spiritual absolute respect for authority appears, or a charismatic leader, a sacred supremacy is present, the structure itself lays the foundation for sexual abuse.

The movement called 16 Days of Activism is an international initiative held annually from 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, to the 10th of December. During the campaign the participants draw attention to the systemic problem of violence against women in various forms (e.g. by articles, marches, or by roundtable discussions). Now, within the context of 16 Days of Activism Hanna, under an alias, recounts how a leader of a spiritual community sexually abused her as a young child.

Author: I think maybe you should tell us about how you got into the spiritual community where the abuse occurred.

Hanna: It was a sort of a traditionalist spiritual community, the leader of which was the “magnificent” man who sexually abused me. I got there through my father, who believed deeply in this whole thing and visited them regularly. I don’t remember exactly, but from around when I was five, for three summers we attended these two-week events that were held on the farm of Tamás, the spiritual leader of the community. My mother didn’t come with us, because she stayed at home with my younger siblings. My father, being an alcoholic, stopped paying attention to me as soon as we arrived. I actually walked around wherever I wanted for almost the entire two weeks, without any parent supervision. I don’t even remember if there were any more men apart from my father and Tamás. A mass of women surrounded that man, you could say, they were his fan club, they looked up to him as if he were a god. My father practically considered him his master; it was even explained whose descendant he was and what ancient bloodline he carried.

Author: Can you recall when the abuse started?

Hanna: I don’t really remember how exactly it started. It was all a process. In the first summer, when I was five, I must have met him, because these events were always held at his place, in the middle of nowhere, somewhere hidden. Maybe it was his yurt where he first came onto me, which also served as a huge sanctuary. Let me also add that he started treating me as if I were some kind of a chosen one, he saw me as his successor. So I had to help him around the altar, and since it was a complete ritual, I had to wear the appropriate outfit for it. Normally the two of us would go into his yurt where he was the one who would change my clothes and touch me in places where he was not supposed to. So in short, he used to grope me while dressing me. He showered me with presents, always had me sit on his lap and groped me a lot then too. Actually, this groping was always present, the weird thing is, that nobody noticed, or at least no one said anything even though he did it openly. Once he even forced me to grab his penis. My only luck was that just then my mom called my father and asked him where I was. When my father told her that I was in Tamás’ bed, my mom scolded him and told him to get me out of there right away, so he came and took me. Apart from this, there was another case, maybe during the second summer, when I was left with him alone in the car and he tried to kiss me, but I pressed my lips together as tight as a six year old can.

Author: So this was a complex process with different forms of display of the abuse. At first this man who was viewed as a master would be kind to you, treat you as the chosen one, then slowly stepped over the boundaries right in front of the eyes of adults?

Hanna: Yes, at first he used to be relatively cautious. He slowly assessed if anyone would notice this, if any kind of reaction would show up, but there were no reactions from anyone, so he kept on doing it. Despite the fact that his actions were terrifyingly public. For example when he wanted me to stand still, he would simply reach under my skirt and grab me. And nobody seemed to notice that this was not o.k.

Author: These are well-established, universal methods, when a perpetrator watches what the surrounding people say, and assesses how far he can go. And the more such a perpetrator is in a position of power – when he is explicitly regarded as a saint, like in our case – the more his environment will normalize his abusive behavior. Moreover, often this environment is well aware of what these people do, they just overlook it.

Hanna: Sure, I actually think that this was kind of an open secret. It was obvious that older women were competing to be the next ones to bed with this noble spirit. Because ultimately it turned out that this man banged every living creature he could, and he could, so he did.

Author: And you had to cope with all this alone as a child.

Hanna: Yes, there was an ever-present pervading feeling of anxiety. I kept thinking about how I could avoid all this, so I tried to work out different tactics in my little brain, so I wouldn’t have to stay alone together with that man.

Author: Do you remember what tactics you worked out?

Hanna: For example, I used to be fully determined to say no to him but this was met with relatively little success. I had a constant resistance in me, which I tried to express, so he would leave me alone. I tried to stay out of his sight, to connect with someone and make up an activity to be able to say that I was busy. As soon as we arrived in these summer camps, I felt the constant distress that I must avoid him. Of course, when these gatherings ended and we went home, I forgot about the whole thing. But fundamentally I felt anxiety about every man. Up until just last year. Which means I was distressed for a brief thirty years.

Author: How did you recall the abuse itself, when did the process of recognition start in you?

When we attended these events I was supposed to enjoy them. So back then, my reality was that I was supposed to be proud to have the opportunity to be present, not to mention being beside such a great man. Some images even come to my mind, where this old horny man is constantly surrounded by his fan club, worshipping him. I remember trying to look up to this man because that was the reality I was to make my own, the one that the outside world communicated.

Then I later realized that I was taking it pretty hard when the guy I was going out with came less than two meters near me. This was why I started wondering about what had happened to me. Somehow I still didn’t think, even then, that I had been abused. I did remember what he had done to me, I just kept up an attitude believing that that’s just the way it is, it’s my business and everything else is unrelated. Then I started dealing with it more around the time my daughter was conceived, because I had to, since my little girl was not conceived because I wanted to have a child but because the father of my children refused to wear a condom. For a while, I was on contraceptive pills, but it was too expensive, and a family living in extreme poverty couldn’t afford it. So I didn’t have any more pills, I had a child instead.

At that time, I had a very strong feeling that I had been raped, that my body had been taken possession of, while I did not want that. Giving birth was badly traumatic, because I had basically prepared for home birth, so I hadn’t even chosen a doctor. But the baby arrived prematurely, so at eighteen and pregnant I landed in the Hungarian health care system, where I experienced the complete spectrum of obstetric violence. By the time of my second child-birth I was well-prepared with my rights and it worked, I was able to persistently say no to doctors. Following an at least three-hour argument with the doctors, they had me sign a paper on which I could declare that I refused medical treatment on my own responsibility.  So, I stayed there on my own, I gave birth in total peace, and in the end, I caught my second baby with my own hands.

That was the moment when I regained control over my body, the point where I was able to say no, and so the victory was mine.

translated by Dóra Horváth

Misvatting: Partnergeweld is een privézaak.

Feit: Partnergeweld is een maatschappelijk probleem. Iedereen heeft recht op een leven zonder geweld en de bescherming van slachtoffers is algemeen belang. Als je getuige van mishandeling bent, is je burgerplicht om melding te doen bij de politie. Als je mishandeling vermoedt, kan je contact met verschillende gezinsondersteunende diensten opnemen. Dit is erg belangrijk, als er zelfs kinderen zijn betrokken.

Misvatting: Een geslagen vrouw is een goede zaak. Het is overdreven als een vrouw af en toe wordt geslagen.

Feit: In Hongarije is één op de vijf vrouwen ooit mishandeld door een partner. Maar de klappen worden ernstiger. In Hongarije sterft elke week een vrouw als gevolg van huiselijk geweld.

Misvatting: Als alleen de vrouw wordt mishandeld, toch is het kind in een veilige plek.

Feit: Hoewel kinderen zelf niet direct slachtoffer hoeven te zijn van het geweld, wel getraumatiseerd kunnen raken. Als de kinderen lichamelijk niet mishandeld worden, kunnen ze toch emotioneel zijn beschadigd. Daarom is het voor de kinderen beter als hun ouders niet bij elkaar blijven dan getuige te zijn van voortdurend misbruik.

Misvatting: Alleen arme, ongeschoolde mannen mishandelen hun partners.

Feit: Partnergeweld komt binnen alle sociale groeperingen voor, maar het is meer verborgen en minder opvallend voor de buitenwereld binnen geschoolde en rijkere gezinnen.

Misvatting: Er zijn vrouwen die de mishandeling uitlokken en verdienen het om misbruikt te worden.

Feit: Conflicten horen bij een relatie, maar volwassenen, die zich verantwoordelijk kunnen gedragen, gebruiken andere methode dan mishandeling om conflicten aan te pakken. Als er lichamelijke mishandeling plaatsvindt, ligt de verantwoordelijkheid altijd bij de dader en nooit bij het slachtoffer. De beschuldiging van slachtoffers is een erg schadelijke denkwijze.

Misvatting: Als de vrouw de mishandeling niet goed vond, beëindigde ze de relatie.

Feit: Fysiek mishandeling is alleen één vorm van partnergeweld, die meestal met emotionele en economische geweld samengaat. Bv. wordt het gevoel van eigenwaarde van de partner vernietigt, het slachtoffer in een financieel kwetsbare positie gebracht en alle ondersteunende relaties verwijderd door de dader. Zo wordt het slachtoffer zo kwetsbaar dat hij/zij de relatie moeilijk kan beëindigen. Vaak raakt het slachtoffer ook emotioneel betrokken met de dader en gelooft dat de partner gaat veranderen.

Misvatting: Er is geen hulp voor de slachtoffers van partnergeweld.

Feit: Hoewel het aantal sociale vangnetten helaas erg laag is, is er toch hulp. Bv. bij de lokale gezinsondersteunende dienst, namelijk de Nationale Crisisbeheersing en Informatietelefoon voor de slachtoffers van huiselijk geweld (Országos Kríziskezelő és Információs Telefonszolgálat) die de mishandelde vrouwen helpen om bij een vrouwenopvang terecht te kunnen komen. Er zijn ook NGO’s die zich bezighouden met partnergeweld, net als vrouwenorganisatie NANE (Nők a Nőkért Együtt az Erőszak Ellen Egyesület) of Stichting Eszter (Eszter Alapítvány). In Hongarije zijn er meerdere gespecialiseerde slachtofferhulporganisaties.

Contactgegevens van de gespecialiseerde slachtofferhulporganisaties:

Boedapest +36-70-525-0536 budapest.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Miskolc +36-30-309-1552 miskolc.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Devecser + 36-70-933-8060 veszpremmegye@voroskereszt.hu

Mosonmagyaróvár +36-70-598-1101 ambulancia.movar@gmail.com

Kaposvár + 36-82-812-476 krizisambulancia.kaposvar@gmail.com

Orosháza +36-30-781-7951 oroshaza.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Szolnok + 36-30-305-2919 szolnok.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Zsuzsanna Székely, maatschappelijke werker

Vertaald door Dóra Miglécz, proeflezen door Sára Vastag

Pedophilia and sex tourism are grave crimes of child abuse, which affect millions of children every year. Sex tourism is a global industry bringing billions of dollars, wherein children from Brazil, Cambodia, Thailand, Colombia and Kenya are prey to well-situated Wester customers. We would like to think this industry is absent in Hungary, but sadly, this is not so. Boys and girls from poverty-stricken regions are put on sale. Children in state care are exploited as an industry, and sexual abuse against them is hidden, kept secret.

Naturally, those who afford it prefer to go abroad – there it is even harder to get caught. EU statistics from 2019 say that more than half of the victims of human trafficking from Hungary are children, and 95% of them are taken abroad to be sexually abused and exploited. This is not a joke. You cannot ignore it if someone tells you about this, let alone mention it convivially on a TV show.

It would be extremely important to take it seriously: there must be zero tolerance regarding all forms of child sexual abuse. What we do and say matters. What public figures do and say matters even more; they can influence how seriously people take these matters, whether they consider them private affairs or act responsibly and stand up for the children affected.

In such issues there is no friendship, it is not a question of comradeship. Whether it is domestic violence, child abuse or sexual abuse, there is zero tolerance. And that means that the victim’s, the child’s interests override everything.

This year the whole country was enraged when, through the case of our former ambassador to Peru, they faced the fact of online sexual violence. The websites and file sharing sites specialized on online child sexual abuse, largely operated and used by pedophiles, are also a crime – and the basis of a profitable industry. I have sworn never to write again the name of G.K., who will go to court because he possessed 19 thousand photos and videos of child sexual abuse. Yet it is important to recall this case because it sensitized Hungarian society to this problem. More pedophile photos have been reported, more court cases have started, which is a good thing. Because this is the only way we can protect the children: if we recognize abuse and act against it.

What happened in the summer of 2020? Online child sexual abuse has ceased to be a private affair and became a public one. Something one cannot pass by because violence is never a private affair.

And similarly, we cannot just pass by a statement that someone travels abroad to have sex with children. Just like it should not occur to us to turn our head if a child we know is abused. This is not a private affair.

In contrast, homosexuality is. A private affair.

In Hungary the age of consent – which means the lower age limit of having consensual sexual relations – is 14 years, and a 12-year-old may also have consensual sex with someone under 18. The law does not differentiate between homosexual or heterosexual, or for that matter, between couple and group sex.

You may have your private opinion about these regulations. I keep repeating that it would be terribly important to discuss why these regulations, whether they are suited to contemporary Hungarian reality, and what we could do to keep our children safer. But what is important in this particular case is not to confuse homosexuality with pedophilia.

In no way should sexual contact with children be included among the rainbow colors of sexual orientations. And neither should sexual abuse under any circumstances.

Until 2002 Hungarian law named homosexual sex “unnatural fornication”. This term and the related regulations were deleted by the Constitution Court, which emphasized that they were contrary to the ban on discrimination based on sexual orientation to punish same-sex relationships in situations where different-sex relationships would not be. The issue is not sexual orientation but consent. Without consent – if forced through coercion, threats, blackmail, emotional or physical violence – it is not sex but abuse. And if the partner is a minor, consent is not possible, so it can never be sex, just abuse. And abuse is never a private affair. It is something that concerns all of us, something we are all responsible for.

Let us respect children and the victims of sexual abuse by not treating abuse, sex tourism or pedophilia as private affairs, political questions or jolly jokers in conflicts between political groups, but as the most important public affair.

Mythe : La violence conjugale est un problème d'ordre privé.

Réalité : La violence conjugale est un problème d'ordre social. Toute personne a le droit de vivre libre de violence, et il est dans l'intérêt général de protéger les victimes. C’est notre devoir civique d’appeler la police si on est témoin de la violence conjugale. On peut signaler la violence soupçonnée aux services d'aide aux familles. Quand il y a un enfant dans la famille, cela est particulièrement important.

Mythe : On s'occupe trop de cette affaire : une gifle ou deux ne comptent pas vraiment.

Réalité : Une femme sur cinq a été déjà victime de la violence conjugale en Hongrie. Les gifles devenant de plus en plus fortes, une femme meurt chaque semaine à cause de l'agression de son conjoint dans le pays. 

Mythe : Quand l'homme ne bat que sa femme, l'enfant ne sera pas affecté. 

Réalité : Les enfants sont traumatisés quand ils sont témoins de l'agression faite sur leur mère. Même si l'enfant n'est pas physiquement concerné, cela l'affecte gravement. Par conséquent, il vaut mieux pour l'enfant de vivre avec des parents séparés que d'être le témoin de la violence conjugale.

Mythe : Seuls les hommes pauvres et peu éduqués battent leur épouse.

Réalité : La violence conjugale est présente dans toutes les classes sociales, seulement elle est moins visible ou évidente pour l’entourage des familles plus éduquées et aisées.

Mythe : Certaines femmes provoquent, donc méritent la violence physique.

Réalité : Il y a des conflits dans chaque relation, mais les adultes mûres, capables d’adopter un comportement responsable, utilisent d’autres méthodes de résolution de conflit que l’agression. Dans le cas de l’agression physique, c’est toujours l’agresseur qui en est responsable, jamais la victime. Le blâme de la victime a des conséquences néfastes.

Mythe : Si c'était tellement pire pour la femme, elle quitterait son conjoint.

Réalité : L'agression physique n'est qu'une partie de la violence conjugale. La plupart du temps, il s'y ajoute encore l’agression émotionnelle et économique : la destruction de l’estime de soi, la contrainte de vivre dans une situation financière précaire et l’isolement de ses proches par l’agresseur. Enfin, la victime devient tellement vulnérable, qu’elle aura des difficultés à mettre fin à la relation. Et souvent, la femme s'attache aussi émotionnellement à son agresseur, croyant qu'il changera.

Mythe : Les victimes de la violence conjugale ne peuvent pas recevoir de l'aide.

Réalité : Bien que le système d'assistance ne soit pas trop élargi, il existe. On peut mentionner le service local d'aide aux familles, le service téléphonique national en Hongrie pour des femmes victimes de violence (Országos Kríziskezelő és Információs Telefonszolgálat) qui aide les femmes agressées de trouver de refuge dans des maisons protégées. Il y a aussi des organisations civiles qui luttent contre la violence conjugale, comme par exemple Femmes pour les Femmes Ensemble contre la violence Association (Nők a Nőkért Együtt az Erőszak Ellen Egyesület) ou bien l'Association Eszter (Eszter Alapítvány). Il y a plusieurs services d'urgences spécialisés dans la violence conjugale en Hongrie. 

Le contact des services d'urgences :

Budapest +36-70-525-0536 budapest.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Miskolc +36-30-309-1552 miskolc.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Devecser + 36-70-933-8060 veszpremmegye@voroskereszt.hu

Mosonmagyaróvár +36-70-598-1101 ambulancia.movar@gmail.com

Kaposvár + 36-82-812-476 krizisambulancia.kaposvar@gmail.com

Orosháza +36-30-781-7951 oroshaza.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Szolnok + 36-30-305-2919 szolnok.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Zsuzsanna Székely, assistante sociale

Source : http://ifjusagi-lelkisegely.hu/cikkek_layout.php?element_id=105

Traduit par Gyöngy Csernyus

révisé par  Annamária Józsa-Tóth

Myth: Domestic violence is a private matter.

Fact: Domestic violence is a social issue. Everyone has the right to live a life free of any abuse, and it is the interest of society as a whole to protect the victims. Seeing such violence, it is our civic responsibility to notify the police. If we only suspect the abuse, we can inform the Family Services Office, which is even more important when there is also a child in the family.

Myth: If your husband doesn’t beat you, he doesn’t love you. A slap here or there is just overrated.

Fact: Every fifth woman in Hungary has already been abused by her partner. Those slaps become more and more severe, in our country a woman dies every week as a victim of domestic violence. 

Myth: If a man only beats the woman, the child may still be safe. 

Fact: Children are traumatized by witnessing the abuse of their mother. Children suffer even if they are not physically injured. For this reason, it is better for the children if their parents are not together, rather than witnessing the ongoing abuse.

Myth: Only poor, uneducated men beat their partner.

Fact: Domestic violence occurs in all groups of society, but is more hidden, less obvious for the outside world in wealthier, more educated families.

Myth: Some women provoke it, even deserve to be beaten.

Fact: There are conflicts in all relationships, but mature adults, who are capable of behaving responsibly, choose methods of conflict resolution other than beating. In case of any physical violence, the perpetrator is always the one responsible, never the person abused. Victim blaming attitude is highly detrimental.

Myth: The woman would leave the relationship if the beating was bad for her.

Fact: Beating is just one segment of domestic violence. It is usually accompanied by emotional and economic abuse, meaning that the abuser destroys his partner’s self esteem, thrusts them into a financially vulnerable state, pulls them away from supporting relationships, so the abused grows so vulnerable that leaving becomes difficult. And many times they are emotionally attached to their abusers; they believe that he can change.

Myth: There is no help available for victims of domestic violence. 

Fact: Unfortunately, the support network is insufficient, but there is help. These are Family Services, the National Crisis Management and Information Telephone Services, which help abused women escape into protected shelters. Non-governmental organizations have also been established to handle domestic violence, such are  NANE Women’s Rights Association (Nők a Nőkért Együtt az Erőszak Ellen Egyesület) or the Eszter Foundation. There are numerous crisis management clinics in the country specializing in domestic violence. 

Contacts for crisis clinics:

Budapest +36-70-525-0536 budapest.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Miskolc +36-30-309-1552 miskolc.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Devecser + 36-70-933-8060 veszpremmegye@voroskereszt.hu

Mosonmagyaróvár +36-70-598-1101 ambulancia.movar@gmail.com

Kaposvár + 36-82-812-476 krizisambulancia.kaposvar@gmail.com

Orosháza +36-30-781-7951 oroshaza.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Szolnok + 36-30-305-2919 szolnok.krizisambulancia@segelyszervezet.hu

Zsuzsanna Székely social worker

Translated by Dóra Horváth

Quality check by Rita Béres-Deák

Today, when I am destroyed by the shock seeing the intolerance in our world…Today, when being hateful, exclusionary, and ignorant and not understanding one another is almost praised and being different or weak is punished. Today, when every other week I get disappointed in the world’s rightfulness, meanwhile I am preaching about acceptance, social sensitivity and being open-minded, as if I know exactly what the right thing is. Today, when I slowly but surely start to believe that I am more sensitive and empathic then most of my friends…Today, Linda’s frail figure emerges from my memories. She is not speaking, she is not approaching us, she is not interested, not anymore.

She is just standing there, in the distance, we are not including her in our games, we are not letting her in. She is just standing there awkwardly, with pain in her eyes and you just cannot take your eyes off her.

I did not think about Linda for maybe 15 years. We were in elementary school and all of us lived in the same neighborhood; - we took for granted the treasure that we had, our health. Young, old, rich, poor, sometimes these labels were important, but at the end of the day we were a team on the playground. We took over every green area of the vicinity, we came up with stories and played whatever we wanted to play.

We did not even realize how special it was to be a part of community.

Linda was the counterpoint.

Looking back, she was a remarkably pretty girl. She had light blue eyes, her dirty blonde hair was always in a high ponytail, her face was nice, but some sort of disorder was visible. She was older than the rest of us, yet she appeared younger than us. Because of her behavior and the way, she talked, we thought about her as a baby. I think we saw her through old glasses because she was different, weird, and annoying. We could not understand her.

Nobody knows who started to bully her first, and we will never find out the reason why.

One of my first memories about her was when she was approaching us and somebody whispered to my ears: This is Linda, she is sick, she poops herself. Linda says hi to us and asks what we are playing, she is trying to join us. My playmate angrily yells at her and Linda starts to cry inconsolably, she bites her fist, and walks away while she is still weeping. The bitemarks are permanent on her fist.

We never found out what happened to Linda, what type of trauma she endured and when. Some said that her mom took strong medications when she was pregnant with her and that is why she turned out this way. Her healthy brothers showed tender affection towards their little sister, but they were not with her all the time. Back in those days, we did not have development centers for children with special needs in my hometown, thus Linda wandered a lot in the garden by herself. No matter how hard I try to remember those days, I cannot remember a time when one of us turned to Linda with love and kindness.

We never let her play with us, and we never let her in, in fact we did everything to chase her away. We made fun of her, we said hateful things to her, we made her to do very humiliating tasks. We as the healthy ones, the ‘normal’ ones.

Linda had meltdowns many times, cried and bit her fist because of us. I never bullied her, but my silence and my approval of the cruelty made me responsible for her pain. None of us stood up for her and spoke up against the bullying and stigmatization of a little girl. Nobody protected her. It seemed like none of us felt ashamed because of what we were doing to her.

According to the cruel morals of the group, Linda was hateful, because she was different. Because she was impaired, grimy and she smelled. We did not care that it was not her fault, even though we were old enough to understand that.

Our parents probably had no idea what we were doing in the backyard, however, I recall that Linda’s mom gave us lectures a few times, but we did not take it seriously.

Years passed and Linda and her family moved away from the neighborhood.

 We did not hear from her again, until years later, we were in junior high at that time, and somebody put an obituary on the apartment block where Linda used to live. Linda’s tiny heart had its last beat. We did not know where she was buried. We never had a closure. We never apologized.

We did not stay friends. We were not a closed-knit community, but I have beautiful childhood memories from that period of my life. I rarely visit the places, where we used to play, and I have probably forgotten many things. It seemed, I forgot Linda and our evil ways with her.

Years later, I was in the target of the bullies. I thought, I did not do anything wrong and I was tortured for no reason at all. Not long before remembering Linda, I thought my circumstances caused my exclusion. My classmates excluded me because I had curly hair, later they did the same thing, because I was interested in schoolwork. It was comfortable to say that I am the innocent victim.

But today, when I looked into my daughter’s beautiful light blue eyes and my gaze run through her dirty blonde hair and I caressed her beautiful face, it hit me, if she is anxious, she bites her fist too! And I remembered Linda.

I saw myself in the backyard again as the little girl in elementary school, playing cooking or playing with Barbies with my friends. And Linda appears. And no matter what would I do today in that position, how much I want to shake my younger self or explain to the bullies the importance of accepting other people, I cannot change that at that time I did nothing.

I cannot remember if I felt bad when we bullied Linda. Maybe the herd mentality urged me to not feel bad about it, or maybe I was not aware of the severity of my actions.

Until today, I thought I know what exclusion, loneliness, excommunication, and humiliation mean.

But today when this memory hit me so painfully, I had to realize that I do not know the first thing about 

what Linda had to endure in our group. I do not know what she went through, even if I was the target of the bullies for more than 4 years. None of us know what it was like for Linda.

Because all of us were healthy and we were normal in the eyes of society. Because nobody made us pull our panties down for a bar of chocolate and nobody laughed at us because we cannot withhold our stool.

Today, when I pray every day for the health and happiness of my daughter and the constant acceptance and love around her, I see Linda’s frail figure clearer than ever before. I see her as clear as I could not see her in the past. I see a little girl who is beautiful despite the messy hair, the dirty clothes and the disability and I see the unimaginable pain which we caused her. I, we cannot apologize for that now. This is something I cannot make right and I cannot reconcile with her.

Today, when I pray for my daughter, I ask for forgiveness. And I hope that Linda, who was pure and innocent among us, will not ignore my apology, will not make fun of me for my tears, no matter where she is now. Today, I pray that we were the last ones in the world who did something unspeakable like this.

Translated by Dorottya Bojtor

Quality check by Éva Loboda

A „Klappe auf!” (magyarul „Nyisd fel!”) mottó égisze alatt együttműködést kezdeményeztek azok az osztrák nő- és fejlesztéspolitikai egyesületek, amelyek nők és lányok erőszakmentes élethez való jogáért küzdenek.

A „Klappe auf!” kezdeményezés évente szervez olyan akciókat, amelyek a nők és lányok elleni erőszak témakörében igyekeznek a társadalmat érzékenyíteni. Idén rajzfilmvetítést terveztek a bécsi Brunnenpassageban. A Covid-19 intézkedések miatt a rendezvény programja azonban 2020. november 26. és december 7. között online tekinthető meg.

Idén hat rajzfilmet vetítenek online az ápolói és gondozói munka (ún. care work) kontextusában fellépő nemi alapú erőszak témakörében. Az ápolói és gondozói munka ebben az értelemben olyan fizetetlen vagy rosszul fizetett munkát takar, amit világszerte (bevándorló) nők végeznek, legyen szó tényleges ápolásról, gyermekfelügyeletről, ellátásról vagy takarításról. Nagyon is számít, hogyan végzik, mennyire becsülik meg, vagy éppen hogyan díjazzák az ilyen jellegű munkát. A „Klappe auf” szervezetei síkraszállnak azért, hogy az ápolói és gondozói munkát végzők és az ilyen jellegű segítségre szorulók számára erőszakmentes és fair körülményeket biztosítsanak a jövőben. A „Klappe auf” csatlakozik a „16 Akciónap a nők elleni erőszak ellen” elnevezésű világméretű kampányhoz.

Mivel jelenleg nincs lehetőségünk élőben megvitatni a látottakat, így a filmek rövid leírása után kérdéseket találtok, amelyekkel szeretnénk benneteket arra ösztönözni, hogy gondoljuk tovább a filmek üzenetét, és beszéljünk ezekről családtagjainkkal, barátainkkal, ZOOM-on, a munkahelyünkön vagy akár iskolai digitális tanóra keretében.

Filmek

A tricky women oldalon található rajzfilmeket kizárólag női alkotók készítették.

Klappe auf! Intro | 2020.11.26 (csütörtök) és 2020.12.7. (hétfő) között

(Claudia Dal-Bianco) 

LA PLONGEUSE / THE DIVER | 2020.11.30. (hétfő) és 2020.12.2. (szerda) között

La Plongeuse, © Iulia Voitova

(Iulia Voitova, FRA 2018, 4’09)

Az edzés és az edző határozzák meg a profi toronyugró életét, ami végül teljes kimerültséghez – vagy inkább ellenálláshoz? – vezet. A masszőr talán segítséget nyújthat?

Mit tehetnek a nők, amikor mást sem éreznek, csak hogy „funkcionálisan kell működniük”? Mit vált ki bennem az „edzés” képe?

IN HER BOOTS | 2020.12.2. (szerda) és 2020.12.5. (szombat) között

In her boots, © Kathrin Steinbacher          

(Kathrin Steinbacher, AT 2019, 6’02)

Hedi már nem gondolkozik és cselekszik olyan logikusan, mint korábban, ez azonban nem jelenti azt, hogy ne mozoghatna önállóan, szabadon. A túracipője sem mai, de Hedié, így ő dönti el, meddig szeretné még hordani azt. (BAFTA-jelölt film)
Mennyire tartod édesanyádat, nagymamádat vagy a szomszéd nénit független, önálló nőnek? Hol mosódnak el az önmeghatározás, a szükséges beavatkozás és segítség határai? Milyen lehet az olyan gondozás vagy ápolás, amit a gondozott vagy ápolt maga határoz meg?

FREAKS OF NURTURE | 2020.12.5 (szombat) és 2020.12.6. (vasárnap)

Freaks of Nurture, © Alexandra Lemay

(Alexandra Lemay, CAN 2018, 6’28)

Egyedülálló anyák, nevelőanyák, kutyatenyésztők. Mindenkire időt szakítani olyan nagy kihívás, ami sem a pénztárcánkat nem vastagítja, se azt nem garantálja, hogy végül tényleg mindenki elég figyelmet kap.
Számos nőt érint a kettős munka terhe, de van olyan, aki akár három munkát is végez. Mire van szükség politikai, társadalmi vagy személyes szinten, hogy ellensúlyozzuk ezt?

NADIRAH: COAL WOMAN | 2020.12.6. (vasárnap) és 2020.12.7. (hétfő)

Nadirah: Coal Woman, © Kate Jessop

(Kate Jessop, UK 2019, 2’23, Negar Elodie Behzadi/író/producer)

A tádzsikisztáni Fan-hegységben a bányásznők munkája „ayb”, azaz szégyenteljesnek tartják. A film egy olyan bányásznő életét meséli el, aki nem hagyja, hogy a borzasztó körülmények megfosszák saját méltóságától.

Milyen női vagy férfi munkát tartanak szégyenteljesnek a te környezetedben? Milyen nemi szerepeken alapulnak ezek? Mi erősíti meg az érintetteket abban, hogy igenis szembe kell szállni az előre leosztott szerepekkel?
 

A „Klappe auf!“ együttműködő szervezetei: AÖF – Verein Autonome Österreichische Frauenhäuser, Frauenhelpline 0800 222 555, CARE Österreich, Frauen*solidarität, LEFÖ – Beratung, Bildung und Begleitung für Migrantinnen*, kfb – Katholische Frauenbewegung Österreich, Miteinander Lernen / Birlikte Öğrenelim, VIDC / Wiener Institut für Internationalen Dialog und Zusammenarbeit és WIDE / Entwicklungspolitisches Netzwerk für Frauenrechte und feministische Perspektiven.

A rajzfilmvetítés a „Klappe auf!“ a „Tricky Women“ és  a „Cinemarkt“ (St. Balbach Arts Produktion és a Brunnenpassage kooperációja) együttműködésében jött létre.

 (fordította: Nyáry Izabella)

Der Leitfaden des ungarischen Ministeriums für Humanressourcen und moderne Gesetze sind nutzlos, wenn sie von Kinderschutzfachleuten schwierig anzuwenden sind. Das System ist überlastet, und sowohl der zivile als auch der öffentliche Sektor finden es schwierig, ihre Arbeiten miteinander zu koordinieren. Dr. Felícia Repponi, Rechtsanwältin und fachliche Leiterin der Stiftung Direkció, befasst sich seit 11 Jahren mit Kinderschutzfragen. Zu ihrem Forschungsgebiet gehört auch die Situation der benachteiligten Kinder im ungarischen Rechtssystem.

Wie groß ist der Druck auf das ungarische Kinderschutzsystem?

Sowohl die Jugendämter als auch die Einrichtungen der Kinderfürsorge sind stark belastet. Nach Angaben des ungarischen Statistikamts sind ca. 900.000 Kinder im Rahmen des Kinderschutzes registriert, also fast jedes zweite Kind, was auch für mich überraschend war. Es gibt eine Überschneidung zwischen dem Jugendamt und der Kinderfürsorge, aber die Latenz bei missbrauchten oder schwer gefährdeten Kindern ist immer noch ziemlich hoch. Im Durchschnitt fällt jeder achte Fall in den Bereich des Kinderschutzes.

Wie könnte dieses Verhältnis verbessert werden?

Jede Person, die irgendeine Beziehung zu einem Fall haben kann, ist verpflichtet, die Gefährdung des Kindes zu erkennen und zu melden. Das Warnsystem für Kinderschutz umfasst unter anderem Schulpersonal, die Hausärztinnen und -ärzte und sogar das Gericht. Es wäre auch eine Weiterbildung für Fachkräfte erforderlich: Das ungarische Ministerium für Humanressourcen hat einen Leitfaden zur Anerkennung von Kindesmissbrauch zusammengestellt, der obwohl eine Rechtskraft hat, wurde aber vom 90 Prozent der Fachkräfte noch nie wahrgenommen. Dies ist ein enormes Problem. In einem Fall, in dem ein Elternteil einen anderen schwer verletzte, wurde ein Befund erstellt und ein Bericht über schwere Körperverletzung verfasst. Der Fall gelangte jedoch nicht ins System des Kinderschutzes, weil die Gewalt nicht vor dem Kind ausgeübt wurde. Somit wurde es im System gar nicht erkannt, dass das Kind in diesem Fall in Gefahr sein konnte. Der beleidigte Elternteil suchte außerdem keine Unterstützung bei der Kinderfürsorge. Fachleute erkennen auch nicht unbedingt, dass so eine Situation ein problematischer Fall ist, obwohl es sich hier um indirekten Missbrauch handelt. Immer mehr Organisationen und Behörden reagieren beruflich sensibel auf Missbrauch, aber ein Opfer bittet durchschnittlich acht Mal um Hilfe, bevor seine Beschwerden überhaupt gehört und bearbeitet werden. Nehmen wir mal ein gutes Beispiel: Ich war eine Weile in der Prostitutionsprävention tätig, in den letzten Jahren hat sie auch auf Regierungsebene Priorität. Mehrere Organisationen der Zivilgesellschaft, des Kinderschutzes und der Frauenrechte haben sich zusammengeschlossen und haben erreicht, dass die Regierung dieses System heute priorisiert und koordiniert angeht. Es wurde eine Methodik entwickelt: Die Fragen wurden ausgearbeitet, die an die Personen, die in Schwierigkeiten geraten sind, gestellt werden sollten, wenn sie von der Polizei oder an der Grenze angehalten werden, damit Fälle effektiver erkannt werden können. Man sollte sich beispielsweise ansehen, wie ihre Kleidung aussieht, ob Spuren der Schläge zu sehen sind oder ob sie Dokumente bei sich haben.

Was sind die größten Herausforderungen der Kinderschutzeinrichtungen?

Kinderschutz kann in der Regel schwerwiegende, dringende Fälle behandeln, es gibt keine Kapazität für weitere Fälle. Natürlich hängt es auch von der Region ab: In einem noblen Bezirk von Buda werden beispielsweise mehr Schritte gegen Schulische Mobbing-Fälle unternommen als in einer Siedlung im ärmeren Komitat Borsod, wo die Arbeitsbelastung dieser Behörden viel höher ist. Als Freiwillige einer Nichtregierungsorganisation begann ich mich mit Kindern in Waisenhäusern zu beschäftigen, ich war damals voller Wohlwollen und Begeisterung. Ich hatte auch Pläne dafür, was ich anders machen würde. Als ich als Betreuerin in dem Waisenhaus arbeitete, war ich dann mit zwölf Kindern allein eingesperrt, obwohl jedes Kind eine Person für sich benötigt hätte. Die Entscheidungen darüber, was ich tue oder nicht tue, mussten getroffen und priorisiert werden, das Ganze war eine sehr heikle Situation. Ich habe auch am Jugendamt in Ungarn gearbeitet, wo viele unserer Klienten in der Nähe des Existenzminimums lebten: Ich hatte allein 250 Klienten und habe 80 Klagen in einem Jahr bearbeitet, sodass ich nur Zeit für solche Fälle hatte, in denen dringend eingegriffen werden musste. Die mentale Belastung ist ebenfalls hoch, die Geschichten der Betroffenen sind sogar als Fachkraft schwer zu ertragen. Man bräuchte mehr Supervision und Rekreationsmöglichkeiten, für die – abgesehen von einigen wenigen Institutionen – jedoch kein finanzielles Mittel zur Verfügung stehen. Ich finde es auch problematisch, dass es keine Plattformen für den Wissensaustausch gibt: NGOs, der öffentliche Sektor, die Schule und die Kinderfürsorge treffen sich nicht unbedingt, und können in diesem Sinne ihre Erfahrungen nicht austauschen.

Wie zeitgemäß ist das heutige ungarische Gesetz zum Kinderschutz?

Meiner Meinung nach ist es zeitgemäß, und in 90 Prozent der Fälle kann eine wirksame Lösung gefunden werden. Auf der Ebene der Durchsetzung arbeiten hingegen nicht unbedingt ausschließlich Anwältinnen, Anwälte oder Personen, die besonders sensibel, motiviert und geschult sind, was zu Missverständnissen führen kann. Zum Beispiel gibt es keine spezifische Definition von Gefährdung, es liegt im Ermessen von Fachleuten: In einigen Fällen kann es auch eine Bedrohung sein, wenn die Eltern arrogant und fordernd sind; bei anderen Fällen wird es nicht als Gefahr angesehen, wenn ein Elternteil dem anderen die Hand abschneidet.

Außerdem steht im Kinderschutzgesetz, dass ein Kind aufgrund von Armut nicht aus seiner Familie genommen werden kann. Wie funktioniert das in der Praxis?

Es gibt Behörden, in denen die Überschreitung von Kompetenz gängig ist, aber insgesamt werden relativ wenige Kinder aus der Familie genommen, verglichen mit den bereits erwähnten 900.000. Die Anzahl der aus der Familie genommenen Kinder liegt zwischen 20.000 und 25.000. Diese Fälle erscheinen häufig in den Medien, daher ist es im öffentlichen Bewusstsein, dass das Kind genommen wird, wenn das Jugendamt ins Spiel gebracht wird. Ein Kind wird aus der Familie genommen, wenn die Familie die für eine gesunde Entwicklung erforderlichen Umstände nicht sicherstellen kann, da so etwas eine Art Gefährdung darstellen kann. An sich ist es keine Gefährdung, dass man arm ist, sondern nur die Tatsache, wenn das Kind aus diesem Grund ernsthaft gefährdet sein kann.

 (Übersetzung: Izabella Nyáry)

Az idei londoni pride-on a számos tábla között szerepelt egy, amelyen egy piros ruhás transz nő a „transzinkluzitivás” feliratot tartja. A képen szereplő nő Elie Che brit modell, költő és előadóművész, akit augusztus utolsó napján holtan találtak egy strandon New Yorkban. Bár a halál okaként véletlen vízbefúlást állapítottak meg, esélyes, hogy gyilkosság áldozata lett – akárcsak számos más transz ember, akikért gyertyát gyújtunk minden évben november 20-án, a transznemű emlékezés napján.

Mint a Budapest Pride oldaláról megtudhatjuk, „A Transznemű Emlékezés Napját 1998 óta tartják a világ számos országában Rita Hester, egy afro-amerikai transz nő emlékére, aki abban az évben lett transzfób gyilkosság áldozata. A megemlékezés és gyász mellett az esemény fontos célja a transznemű emberek ellen elkövetett gyűlölet-bűncselekményekre való figyelemfelhívás. Ezek a bűncselekmények kiemelkedő számban érik az etnikai kisebbséghez tartozó transz nőket, mivel az ilyen gyűlölet-bűncselekményeket sokszor egyszerre motiválhatja a transzfóbia, a rasszizmus, homofóbia, valamint a nőgyűlölet.”

A tavaly meggyilkolt 331 transznemű áldozathoz képest idén novemberig bezárólag 350-en váltak gyilkosság áldozatává. Kate Sosin, egy amerikai transznemű újságíró szerint még sosem volt ilyen magas ez a szám. Ebben benne lehet az is, hogy a média is nagyobb mértékben tudósít a transzfób gyilkosságokról (hiszen a Transznemű Emlékezés Napjának adatai elsősorban sajtófigyelésből származnak), de Sosin szerint ez önmagában nem indokolja a sokkoló mértékű növekedést; valószínűleg a transz emberek elleni erőszak mértéke is megnövekedett.  

A Transgender Europe sajtóközleménye az alábbiakat írja a témában:

„A 350 halálos áldozat 6%-os növekedést jelent a tavalyi évhez képest. A legtöbb gyilkosság Brazíliában (152), Mexikóban (57) és az Egyesült Államokban (28) történt. 2008 január 1. és 2020. szeptember 30. között 75 országban 3664 transz ember meggyilkolását jelentették be.

Az idei 350 áldozat 98% transznő vagy transzfeminin ember volt; azok közül, akiknek ismerjük a foglalkozását, 62% szexmunkás volt; az Egyesült Államokban megölt transz emberek 79%-a színesbőrű volt. Európában idén 11 transz embert öltek meg, ezeknek fele bevándorló volt. Az összes nyilvántartott gyilkosság 82%-át Latin-Amerikában követték el, 43%-ukat Brazíliában. A gyilkosságok 38%-a az utcán, 22%-a az áldozat lakásán történt.  Az áldozatok átlagéletkora 31 év, a legfiatalabb 15 éves volt.

Az összegyűjtött adatokból látható, hogy 2008 és 2020 között fokozatosan emelkedik a transz és nemileg nonkonform emberek ellen elkövetett gyilkosságok száma. Ám nem teljes a kép, hiszen sok országban nem gyűjtik szisztematikusan a (transzfób) gyűlölet-bűncselekményekre vonatkozó adatokat. Ráadásul a család, a hatóságok és a média gyakran elhallgatja, hogy az áldozat transznemű volt, így az aktivisták nem tartják nyilván az ügyet transzfób erőszakként.

A COVID19 járvány, valamint a rasszizmus és a rendőri brutalitás erősödése miatt a transz és nemileg nonkonform emberek élete most még inkább veszélyben forog. Adatok bizonyítják, hogy a koronavírus-járvány aránytalanul nagy mértékben érinti a transz embereket, különösen azokat, akiknek további hátrányt jelent bőrszínük, bevándorló státuszuk, szexmunkás foglalkozásuk, fiatal koruk vagy szegénységük. Az adatokból kiderül, hogy az afro-amerikai és bevándorló transz nők a többieknél is gyakrabban válnak erőszak célpontjává. Mivel a szexmunka egyébként is stigmatizált és sok országban illegális is, a transznemű szexmunkások (akiknek a munkahelyi diszkrimináció miatt sokszor nincs lehetőségük más foglalkozást űzni – BDR) gyakran vannak kitéve erőszaknak, kizsákmányolásnak és bántalmazásnak.”

Nemcsak a gyilkosságok súlyosbítják a transz emberek halálozási arányát. Kutatások szerint a fiatal transz embereknek cisz társaiknál gyakrabban vannak öngyilkossági gondolataik, többek között az általuk megtapasztalt transzfóbia miatt.

Évi 350 áldozat talán nem tűnik soknak, de egy olyan kisebbségről van szó, amely a lakosságnak kevesebb mint 1%-át teszi ki.

• A transz közösség nagyon összetartó, így ha egyikünket bántják, mindannyian megérezzük – vallja Amelia Jones, 20 éves brit egyetemi hallgató.

(A BBC cikke: https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-54992071?fbclid=IwAR1aFMm8mlsbIKtCnFWGiZHf1K9Y6MT4gLQ63EhtnCgpr7uEw4QfCIv-6W4 , a Budapest Pride összefoglalója: https://budapestpride.hu/hirek/transznemu-emlekezes-napja-2017 és a Transgender Europe sajtóközleménye: https://transrespect.org/en/tmm-update-tdor-2020/  alapján összeállította: Béres-Deák Rita)