The name of Bernadett Orosz and her story are familiar to many. On Wednesday, August 26th she would have stood in court with the charge of defamation, because after being brutally beaten, she had not kept it secret but was brave enough to share it. The trial was delayed at the request of the plaintiff, Bernadett’s abuser.
Nőkért women’s organization had organized a demonstration in front of the Miskolc Court. Though the trial was eventually cancelled, the organization hosted an online roundtable discussion to remind us that over 220 thousand Hungarian women are affected by physical abuse, and we must not look away.
The discussion started with the stories of two victims. We must hear the horrors they went through to realize that there really is a system failure here.
Barbara Seres’s abuser had been a family friend for many years. Barbara fell in love with him and felt safe until her son was born. Thinking back now, she recognizes the signs. We might not get suspicious if our partner told us what to wear or suggested we did not meet our friends he does not like; we might not feel that our freedom was restricted. Neither did Barbara. It was only later that the abuser isolated her: she lost touch with her friends and her relationship with her family deteriorated. Still, she had the man, who made her believe nobody else cared about her but him.
Barbara’s pregnancy was unplanned, but she was happy about it, she wanted to become a mother early. Unfortunately, she could only be a mother to Ádám for an immensely and unfairly short time. During her pregnancy, her abuser spoilt her. The first warning sign was when Ádám was three months old; during a big storm, the family’s dachshund hid under the baby’s bed. The abuser dragged the pet out and started beating it with all his force. Barbara stopped him, she placed herself between the dog and the man in the hallway. That was the first time he had abused her, and she felt it would not be the last. Naturally, he made promises to change and seek professional help, as Barbara had threatened to leave him. Two weeks later another violent event followed, now even blood was shed. The child woke at the noise and started crying, but the man did not let Barbara go into the baby’s room.
Afterwards she was kept locked up for weeks. The only place she could go was visits to the pediatric nurse: he knew that it would look suspicious if she did not attend those. During such a visit Barbara asked the pediatric nurse for help, and she referred her to the Family Counselling Service; she went there pretending it to be a pediatric check-up. From the Family Counselling Service, she called OKIT (national crisis and information hotline), who suggested that she move immediately to a mothers’ shelter in the countryside, but Barbara refused. Why does the victim have to leave in such situation, why is it not the abuser who is separated?
Finally, Barbara moved away from her partner but did not want to separate the baby from his father, so the man could visit them regularly. On December 13th, 2014. he threatened to throw the child out of the window. He was given a suspended sentence in an accelerated procedure, but the expert claimed he had no mental deficiency.
In January 2015, the father threw his 6-month-old child down from the 4th floor, then jumped out himself. They both died. Since then, Barbara has been fighting so nobody else would have to experience what she did.
Bernadett Orosz, a mother of six, registered on a dating website for single parents, hoping to find only normal people there with serious intentions. It was through this website she met the perpetrator in October 2018. The man promised to deactivate his accounts on dating sites, but she found out he had not. She confronted him with his lies and asked him what he would do in her shoes; he said he would let the whole thing go. She did not break up but asked for some time. The man started manipulating her emotionally and later asked her to marry him.
Until the first instance of abuse on June 9th, 2019 Bernadett was sure that the man would never hurt her. On that day they were at a family event and the man had very much to drink; she later attributed the abuse to that. He slammed her head against the wall in the presence of her underage children, then hit her twice. His friends did not call the police, and she believed them when they said this must have been an exceptional case. Returning to the town of Miskolc, where Bernadett lives, the man became violent again, though all she wanted was take him back to his hometown, Sárospatak. Bernadett’s son ran to the fence to ask for help, and the neighbors finally called the police. The police listened to her story, but warned her about the man’s excellent connections, so she did not dare to make a report, and the man denied having done anything.
She tried to end the relationship, but he did not want to and kept threatening her. On August 9th, at 4.30 in the morning he appeared with the pretext of returning his key to her house and asked her to help him with his real estate affairs. She tried, but he was enraged about how cool she was and abused her again so that her eardrum broke. He took the samurai sword from her wall and threatened: he would rather cut her throat with it than see her belong to anyone else. After the abuse Bernadett suddenly realized that she was sitting with his head in her lap and he was crying. He apologized, said he did not know what had come over him and left.
Two days later she went to see a doctor, but after she told him about the source of her injury, the physician was so afraid of getting entangled in something that he did not even want to examine her.
The most serious abuse happened when Bernadett, keeping her promise, went with the man to a military event. Here he beat her up with such brutality that she got into hospital and then to the competent police station, where they interrogated her in that condition. Since then, she has been fighting for the truth.
The experts’ opinion and recommendations will be detailed in the second article.
